Anime Addventure : Stop and Find - Money
by tutcat
Summary: Ranma finds some Money and his mother has ideas. Stories that are from that place that have been saved. SM/Ranma. Shout out to Gelionlegends for this one (all stories up for adoption)
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I do not own Ranma 1/2 or any other crossover characters. They are owned by there respective owners. Not out to make any money or fame on others work.

This is a collection of fic's I was able to save of a web archive that has shut down recently. Some had been edited so my text reader would work better. So original authors and extra stuff was removed from the fic .

On the ones that have not been edited I will be editing them so the original authors will get credited for their parts. Also if you have the parts that I'm missing let me know in a PM will edit them in. Same with other fic's if you have them will post for others to be able to read.

Stop & Find : Money

Money makes the world go around [Episode 70217]

by Kestral

(just an idea for later exploration)

There were scads of foreign currency here. Even though it was only 'fanon' that he'd been dragged all over the world learning martial arts techniques - in the case of this Ranma it was accurate. Little paper bands or rubber bands or metal clips held the groups of bills separate, but the stack showed a remarkable diversity nonetheless.

Not wanting the stuff to wash away, and noticing the clouds thickening and darkening overhead, Ranma decided to gather the stuff up.

Large bundles of Deutchemarks (this being before the Euro), bricks of American $100 bills, rubber banded bunches of 1000 yen notes, similar groupings of Chinese and Italian and Norwegian money.

Looking at all the damage to the neighborhood one last time,

Stop & Find - Money: Going to Mom [Episode 70222]

by Red Priest of the 17th Order

Ranma couldn't believe it, he just couldn't. In his arms, he had trouble balancing the numerous stacks of paper currency. Sure, there was a LOT of the traditional Japanese Yen notes he recognized but there were also German Marks, Mexican Pesos, Moroccan Dirham, British Pounds, Norwegian Kroner, French Francs, Italian Lire and Dollars not only of United States origin but Canadian and Hong Kong's as well!

In short... Ranma was holding a small fortune in international currency.

The first thought that had gone through the pigtailed martial artist's mind had been to go see Nabiki. After all, the woman was always heaping bill after bill after surcharge after interest rate fee upon him for some slights both real and more than likely imaged and all of it scammed... it would be nice to get her off his back for at least a couple of days...

"But then again seeing how much this is, she might take it all as bonus interest..." he sighed. Nabiki was always trying to get more money out of him. There'd be no use giving it to her in that she'd probably just make some excuse to keep him in her clutches financially. "Besides..." he grumbled. "Kami knows if I take it home I'll get mugged anyway..."

Although he tried to, the Heir of the Saotome School of Anything Goes Martial Arts couldn't repress the shudder that happened with the mental image going through his mind. It was yet another reason why he never had any money on him outside of Nabiki always bleeding him dry. People always kept going through his pack, his bedroll and personal belongings where he tried to hide money or other goods. He could just imagine coming home and being trampled upon by his father and Happosai... and then probably Nabiki for good measure.

But where could he keep this money, whom could he trust? Kasum—no, no... Nabiki would probably wheedle it out of her.

Hey, there was Uccha—no, not her either. She'd probably se it as him proposing to go into business with her or something.

Wait! Here was Miss Hina—damn it, not her either. Yes she was a responsibility adult now and then but ONLY now and then. Who knew what she might try to spend it on as soon as she turned back into a kid... although Ranma had to admit, he wouldn't mind her buying a truckload of ice-cream if she shared.

Cologne? Pfft! Not a chance. She'd probably keep it and try to use it to lure him into marrying Shampoo.

He didn't even consider Dr. Tofu. He stopped trusting that man since his second week in Nerima. The asshole busted his spine in the right spot as to put his legs out of commission... on some sort of internal timer no less! What would've happened if he'd gone a separate way from Akane or if she'd knocked him in the river when his legs went out? "Doctor do no harm, my ass..."

Lowering his head, Ranma sighed. There was really only ONE real option. And if she decided she wanted to keep the money or a portion of it, he couldn't blame her. It was his fiancées that had busted up her home that that time in the first place. Probably cost a lot to repair. Deciding to bite the bullet, Ranma began rushing off... to his mother's.

He just hoped this wasn't a bad mistake.

It was a brisk trek as the martial artist made his way to his mother's home. True, she was farther from his starting point in that alleyway than the Tendo residence was but the fact was when he wanted to get moving, he could run like the wind. He could feel the air rushing past him from the velocity, making the edges of paper money exposed past his arms flutter. Within the span of fifteen minutes, he was at his mother's abode. Jumping over the stone wall along the side of the house, (having wanted to avoid being seen at the main gate) Ranma walked around and up to the front door. Carefully balancing his bundle with one arm, he reached out with his right hand and rang the doorbell.

After a few minutes of waiting the door opened, revealing the redheaded woman in her favored purple kimono. Looking down, the Matriarch of the Saotome family smiled. "Son! What a pleasant surprise! Do come..." she trailed of as she took notice of what he was carrying. "Son? Did you just rob a bank?" Nodoka asked curiously, blinking her eyes at the obscene amount of wealth he was carrying with one arm.

Shaking his head, Ranma told her, "No, mom. I found it." At the incredulous look she gave him, he repeated, "Yes, I found it. That's why I'm here..." he took a moment to look around, making sure no one else was in sight. "Can I come in, mom?" He asked of his mother. "I don't want to talk about it out here in the open."

Nodding her head in understanding, the older woman replied, "Oh of course." So saying, she moved aside to let him enter.

Walking inside, Ranma waited for his mother to close the door. Looking around, he spotted and then walked over to a chair his mother had in her living room. He carefully placed all the stacks of monetary notes down onto the chair, taking a moment to look at the ludicrous pile of cash; it was a bit overwhelming now that he wasn't in a rush. "Mom," he spoke her title as he turned about to face her. "I need your help. I found all of this stuff in a storm drain and... well, I don't know what to do with it."

Raising her head as her son's voice had her attention, she asked, "Hmm?" She walked over to her son when he asked, taking a moment to look over the money, examining it. "You know, it could be stolen currency; Yakuza money. I'd call the police perhaps..."

Ranma winced. "I was afraid you'd say that mom. But when I found it, well... the bag it was all in was rather filthy and mostly hidden underneath a pile of garbage. I think it had been there for some time. If it was Yakuza, it was probably forgotten or... something... I dunno..." his shoulders sagged.

That made Nodoka raise an eyebrow. Why would her son be digging through garbage?

Noticing the look she gave him, Ranma sighed. "What can I say? Once I found the stuff, I figured I might be able to do something... get out of debt from Nabiki... pay you for all the repairs you had to have done... I don't know. I just didn't feel like I could leave it where it was, that I could do something with it. Something good."

The woman smiled slowly, in her eyes it was a very manly think to want to do something good with the wealth they had. "Hmm... I see your point," Nodoka admitted, raising a hand to rub her chin in thought. "...In that case... we should look into getting you a private bank account... one that won't ask too many questions should be our first priority. After all, we can't hide this money under a bed."

Wincing as that had been one of hits first thoughts, Ranma covered up any embarrassment by nodding his head in agreement with his mother. "It wouldn't fit under my bedroll anyway..."

Nodoka blinked her eyes as her son said that. "Bedroll?" She questioned as she turned to look at her son, her one and only child. "Aren't you sharing Akane's bed?" She hoped he wasn't spending his time with Kasumi or Nabiki too much. Akane was supposed to be his wife proper. Did they switch things around without telling her?

Rolling his eyes, Ranma snorted. "Please. Anytime I go near her room I end up getting clobbered by the uncute Tomboy!"

Sighing, the redheaded woman realized her son and his fiancée were still having pre-marital spats. "You know, calling her that is a surefire way to get clobbered son." A serious look came into her eyes. "And before you argue, yes, I know she jumps to wild conclusions but you don't help yourself either," Nodoka pointed out.

"I can't help it! She clobbers me first and I feel I gotta get back at her!" Ranma retorted. Realizing he was raising his voice to her, he apologized. "Sorry mom. It's just what you say... I ain't makin' my situation better but she just infuriates me when she acts up every flippin' time! Just last week I had her throw a bottle of maple syrup at me at the breakfast table for complimenting Kasumi's food!" It had been a rather sweet breakfast.

The woman nodded her head in understanding to her son's plight. "Yes, I've been noticing such about her, sadly..." she sighed. "Genma didn't instill good social skills or even simple tact with you... and poor Akane-chan's anger was never properly tempered. She has legitimate reasons to be angry at times but it and her insecurities consume her... not too unlike you." She smiled wanly.

"Uh... I... you see..." Ranma trailed off, blushing. He never wanted to make his mother ashamed of him. It was one of the few things he held higher than proving his masculinity at every which chance that came up.

Seeing how her son was becoming uncomfortable, Nodoka changed the subject. "But that's getting off topic. As for the money..." she looked at the stacks of paper bills again and considered what to do. Finally, she told her son, "I'll call some friends about setting up an account... another thing to maybe do is invest some of it to help it grow as well as take the currency you may never use and convert it all to Yen, if not all of it."

Nodding his head, Ranma could go with that. "Yeah, mom. I can do that..." he smiled. "So what now? Do we meet later and you give me ideas of what to invest in after you meet your accountant?"

"That sounds about right son," Nodoka answered. Bringing a hand over to him, she rubbed the top of his head. "This is your money, so it's up to you to decide what to invest into. I can merely offer suggestions as to what's best in the long run but in the end it is your decision." She felt giving him such responsibilities would perhaps help him mature.

"Cool," Ranma said, cheering up a bit. Raising his arms around his mother, he hugged the woman tightly, possibly for the first time since before his father took him on his training journey. "Thank you, mom."

Smiling brightly, the woman hugged her child back. "You're welcome, son."

Letting go of the woman, Ranma looked up at her, "Thanks mom. I promise you, I'll do the best I can with this. I'll invest wisely!"

"I hope so," she said as she ruffled his head. "I sure hope so."

Stop & Find - Money: Financial Blood-Suckers (LIME) [Episode 220909]

by Red Priest of the 17th Order

Ranma pumped his legs, rushing back home to the Tendo Dojo. He didn't know how to feel, having had to leave all of that cash behind with his mother—such would likely make her a target by something... but such what she insisted upon and he trusted her to do the right thing before the crazy fuckers his friends found out and demanded a cut for one reason or another.

Coming down off a nearby roof, onto the dojo's perimeter wall, and then back down to the ground, the son of Genma Saotome walked up to and opened the front door. "I'm back!" he called out.

The eldest Tendo daughter raised her head from where she was pushing her broom and smiled at her family's houseguest. "Welcome back, Ranma-kun," Kasumi greeted nicely. "Did you have a good day?"

"Oh, sure Kasumi!" the pigtailed martial artist said in an assuring manner. "Not like I found a king's ransom in various forms of currency and then brought it over to my mother's or nothing—I mean, GEE! Dinner smells GREAT!"

Kasumi just blinked for several seconds. "You found a ransom?"

"Nope, why'd you think that?" Ranma asked nervously, scratching the base of his pigtail, looking about. "Oh, we're having fish for dinner?"

"I... you..." the eldest Tendo shook her head. "Well, I may have misheard," she admitted. The woman then explained, "I would have sworn you said you found a lot of money and went over to your mother's. Never mind then."

Letting out a breath of relief at getting off the hook, Ranma took two steps into the house...

Only to be stopped as there was as he found Nabiki suddenly standing there before him. The middle Tendo daughter had her hands on her hips, glaring at Ranma. She looked the pigtailed Martial Artist up and down once, twice, three times. "Okay, Ranma, what did you do with it?"

The pigtailed martial artist blinked his eyes curiously "...Do with what?"

"The money!" the most mercenary of the Tendo daughters snapped, handing out her hand in a manner very much akin to extortion. "I can smell it on you! C'mon, and fork it over already, Saotome!"

"But I don't have any money!" Ranma yelped out, holding his hands out before him in a defensive manner.

Her glaring eyes seemed to narrow even more, as if to cut him open and see if the money was hidden inside her golden goose. "Right; like I'm going to believe what you say over my own senses." With that, her hands reached out, patting him all over his body. If Ranma had funds on him, she'd find them!

Let's see... her thoughts began. Lint, receipt for ice cream...

Wait; he never pays for that unless he has to! That means he had some money.

Continuing on... More lint, few coins stolen from Ms. Hinako, key to his... mother's house, she finished, smiling, but giving him a few more 'accidental' pats to make him flustered and thus easier to make slip up.

Although flustered, the heir of the Saotome School of Anything Goes Martial Arts held his ground. "See, nothing..." Ranma said as he started to step away from the middle Tendo daughter, not liking where this was going... especially as she was feeling up 'little Ranma' and making him feel things that his father had taught him were evil and unmanly...

Only to suddenly bump against something. He turned around and realized it was his father, the lenses of the man's glasses flashing with a dangerous sheen. "Uh... Pops?"

"Where's the cash boy!?" the father of said youth snarled demandingly. "You better not even think of holding out on your father!" he threatened menacingly.

"I don't have any money!" Ranma shouted, waving his arms.

The older man roared in a growing rage. "Liar! I can smell it on you! Don't make me whoop your ass, boy!"

"I ain't got any!" the raven-haired teenager cried, darting to the side and avoiding his father's attempt to grab him.

"EEEK!"

Genma did succeed in his hands latching onto Nabiki, namely in the chest area.

"...That will be a hundred thousand yen for me not to tell Daddy that you manhandled one of his little girls," the middle Tendo said heatedly.

The Saotome Patriarch barely managed to meet the young viper's gaze. "...Soun wouldn't buy it."

Nabiki raised an eyebrow. "I also noticed you haven't let go yet."

"...Ah, yes," Genma removed his hand quickly and then coughed into it, clearing his throat. "Um... put it on the boy's tab."

"HEY!" Ranma shouted. "No way in hell am I taking that cost on my tab!"

"Of course you will," Genma shouted. "You have money now, you can afford to ease the financial bleeding of this Yen Vampire! You must look out for your old man!"

"Says who!?" the pigtailed martial artist demanded to know.

"Says me!" the portly sometimes-panda individual shouted back.

Nabiki stood back with a smile. "Sorry, Uncle. I don't trade in debts. Cash now or you'll pay later, and an extra ten thousand a day I have to wait for it."

"...No problem, surely my son will spot his honorable—URK!" he cried out as Ranma's kick caught him in the head.

"Oh, please!" the younger Saotome snapped at his father. "I've seen movie villains with more honor than you, Old Man!" Ranma cried. ""Now, I—eep!"

Nabiki decided to stop him from running off at the mouth or sneaking away like his father was, and decided he wouldn't likely flee if she held his 'little friend'. "Now, Ranma-kun, you really don't want to hide the fact you have money, do you? I mean, this is the type of big news I think everyone should know."

Ranma was stock-still, sweating profusely. "Um... could you please let go?"

Smirking, Nabiki was about to comment how he should be enjoying that she wasn't going to charge him for such when she herself was out-yelled.

"RANMA! I smell some serious coin on you boy!" was the battle-cry of the Grandmaster of the Anything Goes School of Martial Arts as he rushed to the hallway. "C'mon and give your Grandmaster a hand! I know you have enough to spare!"

"What is it with people smelling money!?" Ranma demanded to know, becoming increasingly frustrated.

"It's easy to grasp the scent, and it's an especially foreign smell on you boy." Happosai hissed. "Now if you don't hand any over right now, you're dead, you hear me? DEAD!"

"For the last damn time, I ain't got any money!" he cried out in exasperation.

Happosai narrowed his eyes. "Tell me where you're hiding it, boy, or I'll let Soun know you and his middle child are busy gropin' each other."

"Why are you dragging me into this, Grandfather?" Nabiki drawled, planning several different ways to make the small pervert pay for that. The bounty on his head was rather large, after all, and growing every day.

It was the only reason she hadn't turned him in yet: she wanted to see when it would finally level off.

Sighing sadly, Happosai shook his head in shame as he said to Ranma, in a saddened, almost distant voice, "You leave me no choice... I had sworn I'd never use this technique on a man but there is no other way!"

*Fft*!

*Fft*!

*Flip*!

*Fft*!

*Whip*!

*Fft*!

Ranma blinked his eyes once, twice. "Old geezer, what the hell did... you... Eep!" he squeaked as he trailed off, looking down to see himself completely naked, Nabiki now grasping him more directly. Although horrified, a small voice in the back of his mind wondered how the old bastard stole all his clothing without moving Nabiki's hand.

Whipping out Ranma's pants into the air and making them flap, sending lint and a few coins flying free, the old freak snarled. "DAMN IT! WHERE'S THE CASH!?"

"WHAT'S WITH ALL THIS NOISE?" cried Akane, marching down the stairs. "I swear, I can't... even... study..." she finished lamely, staring at the scene before her.

"...Shit," as the last thing heard from Ranma, before it all ended.

Nodoka was smiling as she waited for word from her realtor about making an investment for her son. So far, all signs had looked good for the property to be purchased, and tons left over to renovate and hire staff. "Oh, I wish he was here to share the good news with..."

*BAM*!

Blinking, she looked out the hallway, spotting a nude boy impacted into the ground.

Oh, oh could it be? Did the heavens finally grant her wish, and give a poor, honorable, faithful woman the manly little slut-boy sex-slave she'd always prayed for every night for the past twenty-five years?

Yes, she had begun praying for it well before she got married, but after said marriage, she felt she genuinely deserved it!

Rushing quickly towards the damaged boy—well, she did have that kinky nurse's outfit she had always wanted to use—she paused, looking down... and felt somewhat upset that it was just her son.

She still didn't stop looking. That was what an imagination was for, after all!

"Urgh..." Ranma muttered, slowly opening his eyes. He wasn't exactly sure how it was his fault that the Old Letch had stripped him and Nabiki was groping him... perhaps Akane would have an answer when he finally got home... after the world stopped spinning and returned to focus.

"Ranma... Ranma honey, are you all right?" the Matriarch of the Saotome family questioned softly. "Did you come here as a shooting star, to grant your mother's wish for hot, incredibly naughty incest sexing?"

"...What?" Ranma asked, looking up at his mother in confusion.

"I mean, did you come back to see how your investment was going?" Nodoka corrected herself. No reason to scare the poor boy until things were ready for him to escape back to her womb.

Slowly allowing his mind to restore normal functioning, his eyes focused upwards, spotting his mother—and wondering why she was retying the sash for her kimono. "Um, not really. Something happened at the Tendo's. I don't think I should head back for a while." He may have wanted answers, but he understood that he also wanted to live.

"Well, if you figure that is for the best," Nodoka replied. Oh, she was going to have her son over for the night... maybe longer if she took her time trying to find him some clothes that fit.

However, she'd have to put such thoughts as seducing her son on hold for the moment. She blinked her eyes as her phone began ringing. "Oh, Ranma, head inside will you? I need to get that!" She started to rush into the house heading into the kitchen and grasping a phone off from the receiver there. She brought it up to the right side of her head and answered, "Hello! Saotome Residence. Saotome, Nodoka speaking..."

"Hello there, Megumi from Takahashi Realty speaking," the voice spoke up. "Is this the same Saotome that had been inquiring about the availability of 'The Pink Kitty' on 732 Nekomimi Boulevard?"

Nodoka seemed to perk right up at hearing that. "Oh yes," the redhead replied with a smile. "That is I."

"...You do know what this place is, right Ma'am?" Megumi asked. It wouldn't have been the first prank she had received.

"Oh, I do," Nodoka answered. "I also understand the last owner had a run in with both the Yakuza and the FSA, so, he's looking to sell at a deep discount. And I have been hoping to get my son started in the business world." She grinned. "Hope springs in me that he will take to it and learn how to be a proper manly man in the business world!"

"...Ooo~kay," Megumi replied. Yep, had to be real. No college asshole would be this insane over the phone. "Well then," the woman continued, deciding she needed to get this over quickly. "I'll be sending you a fax over the phone. If you and your son would sign it, then send the fax back, we can see about setting a time for an open house tour... is tomorrow good for you?"

Nodoka licked her lips. "Yes, tomorrow should be good." Oh yes, this was perfect. Now Ranma would HAVE to stay over. "Oh, Ranma!" She called out to her son, the phone/fax machine starting to spit out printed paper. "Would you come here, please?"

Of course, she'd probably have to get him some decent clothes to attend. Genma's suits would have been...

...

...

Oh, who was she kidding? Genma! Own a decent suit? Fool had insisted he could marry her in his gi!

Well, she had to hope some of her kimonos fit Ranma's female form. Then they would simply have to hit a store tomorrow and have him wear the suit out the door.

"Yeah, mom?" Ranma asked, entering wearing only a towel.

"Ranma, dear..." Nodoka spoke up as she took a paper from the machine. She looked it over quickly. "Would you be a dear and sign this document... top line where the big 'X' is..." she said with a smile.

"Um... sure..." Ranma said slowly, making sure he had a firm hold of the towel with one hand as he reached for the other. He signed it easily enough and then allowed his mother to sign.

As she put her name to the paper, the woman turned about, and started dialing the right numbers on the machine. "Okay Megumi, I'm sending it back to you—contract for deposit obligations for purchasing intent."

Ranma just blinked his eyes. He had no idea who Megumi was, but that hadn't looked like an engagement contract. So he didn't think anything of it.

Still he couldn't help but feel a shudder. But since it didn't even rate a '3' on the Scale of Nerima Back Shudders, he ignored it.

"Just got it," Megumi stated. "Okay, I'll see you there at noon. The cleaners should be through then."

Nodoka nodded her head, even if the Real Estate Broker couldn't see the action. "Good. Please let them know that I'd really appreciate it if they get decent cleaners for the blood stains—such is part of the contractual obligations for purchasing the establishment and I'd rather not have to pay further to make certain its cleanliness."

"No worries, such is standard, as well as repairing the bullet holes and cleaning the human organs from the wall." Stupid college partiers. Couldn't they just follow the rules? "I shall see you there at noon."

As Nodoka hung up the phone, she turned towards her son, deciding it was best he hadn't noticed her quickly discarded panties under the table. She'd probably have to get them on soon before he noticed. But she so had been looking forward to that wish...

"Now dear, go get a bath, and I'll see if I can find some clothes to fit you. Then w''ll settle down for a nice dinner. And I do apologize, but the bed in your old room is kid-size, so you'll have to stay with me in my room tonight."

Ranma blinked his eyes, once, twice. "Eh, ain't no problem, mom. I'll just sleep on the floor—I normally do anyway."

"There will be no argument over this, son," Nodoka said sternly. "When we retire, you will do as your mother says, be a man, and sleep in bed with mommy."

Ranma blinked his eyes once, twice. "Um... mom? Why would you want me to sleep in your bed?" Didn't she know how dangerous it was? He got attacked in his sleep on a nearly nightly basis!

"Now Ranma, there will be no further discussion on this," Nodoka stated firmly. After all, it would be nice to have a male in her bed who didn't threaten to smother her in his sleep by simply rolling over.

"...Fine..." Ranma agreed. Why were all females stubborn? Oh well, worse came to worse, he'd just have to protect his mother like he always did Akane when she got in the way and ended up causing more problems.

He just hoped there were no marauding traveling princes looking for women to make their princess this time...

Or, in his mother's case, would it be a traveling king looking for a queen?

"Now, I do believe there should be a robe in the furo that was meant for your father," Nodoka continued. "Though he never wore it once," she continued, not having seen Ranma's earlier revulsion at wearing something his father had after a bath change to relief at knowing it had been still cherry. "But the rest of your clothes, we'll have to buy tomorrow. I'll call some friends and see if they can assist us with that tomorrow."

"Really?" Ranma asked curiously. "Why don't we just call Kasumi and have her deliver something?" He was sure she was possibly the only one he could trust in that household to handle his boxers.

Nodoka shook her head. "No; it'll be dark soon, and it wouldn't do to send her home in the dark."

"But she could share the bed with you," he offered.

"Yes, but then it would be tight for all three of us, and that would cause unsightly rumors about all of us." The Saotome Matriarch shook her head. "No, best not to let them know where you are at for the moment," she finished.

Ranma sighed. "Okay, fine..." he looked at his mother and pointed at her phone. "Could you dial for me? I... er..." he blushed. "I don't know the Dojo's number."

Chuckling lightly, she waved him off. "Go take your bath," she giggled. When she was sure he wasn't within hearing range, she snorted. Oh, like she was stupid enough to give those girls any lead! She had just finished decorating this new house, damn it!

That she may enjoy her son being manly, didn't mean she wanted those crazy-ass bitches in her hood, wrecking up shit!

"Oh dear, I may have been watching that rap channel too much," she replied. She frowned and realized she was holding the phone and was about to put it back on the receiver... when a small smile suddenly came over her face as she realized what she could be doing. "Wait until Ikuko-chan hears about this!"

Stop & Find - Money: Mommy Dearest (LIME) [Episode 237340]

by Red Priest of the 17th Order

Lying back in the furo, Ranma let out a long-suffering sigh. This... this had been one hell of a day and he was really, REALLY not looking forward to going back to the Tendo Dojo. That had NOT been his fault, kami damn it! He was not doing... "things" with that blood-sucking harpy-leech-vampire-bitch of a mercenary middle Tendo daughter!

And yet, he knew that is what Akane saw it as, and would likely pound his head into the ground with a tent spike as soon as he came home. Why a tent spike? It was about the only thing at the Tendo Dojo she hadn't smacked him with outside of Kasumi's cooking...

Man, why couldn't she assault him with Kasumi's food? No, instead she was always trying to get him with those culinary disasters she always tried to pass off as food!

So, here he soaked, trying to forget the worries of the world, while enjoying the fact that he could soak here and not have his time interrupted by a tomboy with a reading impediment.

"Son?"

...Okay, but in his defense, his mother was definitely not a tomboy.

Ranma sighed as he looked up. "Yes, mom what can I—WOAH!" He yelped as he saw the woman come in, clad in only a sheer kimono so wispy it was practically see-through. "Muh-mom! What'cha doin' here!?"

She smiled. "Silly son. Dinner is taken care of and I figured it probably would be best to clean up before we dine." She then took off said kimono either not noticing or simply ignoring how her son flailed in the water, getting a view that told him, yes, the curtains DID match the drapes... and that this was likely what his girl form had to look forward to if he had the curse for that long, something along the lines of age forty reaching over twenty.

Well, except for the bottom hair. His was already thicker there as a girl. Perhaps he should ask about that...

"Can you take care of my back, my manly property-owning son?" she asked.

Well, now there was a decision. Help his mom who liked to carry sharp objects—including said silk-covered object now sitting in the corner of the bathroom—or tell her no.

...

...

...Yeah, like he ever had a choice. "Sure, mom."

The woman smiled as she saw down on the tiled bench off towards the back with some faucets. Grabbing a bucket she kept near, she was already starting to fill it. "Thank you for being such a good little boy, Ranma. Mommy is VERY proud of you..."

Especially as she got a look at him down there. Kami-sama! He was as large limp as her husband was fully erect! Granted, she'd had a feeling such was the case from when he landed in her backyard, but there'd been that dust cloud generated from the impact which had made her view a bit hazy...

Plus it had been nearly two decades since she had last seen her husband's 'little buddy' and even then, it was under the effects of lots of alcohol...

Hmm... maybe that was what her mother meant by it being a tradition to do at least three dozen shots before the wedding...

She didn't get to consider much more as her son scrubbed along her back with a felt sponge, and some soapy water. She sat up straight on the back, clenching her legs together and curling her toes as she tensed. "Ooooooh! Oh, Ranma... your hands are VERY skilled!"

Now, while it was odd hearing such from his mother... Ranma couldn't help but puff up with a bit of pride at such praise. "Well, I have been studying Doc Tofu's books when I can." He had to! He wouldn't trust that doctor if his life depended on it! Screwing with his spine and making him paraplegic had been one thing but then screwing with so many medical texts that were meant to help, only to have him rip them up? And then finally to know what the Strength Sapping Moxibustion was but to have no clue how to treat it!?

Doctor do no harm, my ass... Ranma thought bitterly, not noticing how his hand moved down to rub the small of his mother's back.

"Harder!" cried Nodoka. Damn, her muscles had never been worked on so roughly! Personally, she did think that massage therapist at the local college had been a bit too effeminate to work her right.

But now, her manly son was taking care of some of her issues—more after they went to bed and it could all be blamed on wet dreams—at least, according to Maury.

"You sure?" Ranma asked, not wanting to hurt his mother. After all, without her... he might look like Pops in both forms...

Now there was a scary thought... which was promptly killed by Common Sense and Self-Deception... before it was sold to a medical ward where the cadaver was promptly violated by a college student with issues.

Nodding her head, the trembling woman shouted, "Harder!" Damn it, she needed that skilled hand working her spine with masculine might. "Show me how good you are at massaging! Show me you're the best!"

And THAT did it. Ranma might have often felt odd around his mother but when he was challenged, his pride often took precedence over common sense. His right hand rubbed the cloth around the small of her back harder, working her skin with soap bubbles and sudsy sins. His left hand took ahold of the other cloth that had been hanging on the bucket and slid it up and down along her spinal column, getting it nicely between his mother's shoulders.

Yes, it was an odd application of the Katchu Tenshin Amaguriken... but his mother sure seemed to like it.

After a rapid series of cracks, Nodoka Saotome would have sworn she had had the mother of all orgasms! Sadly, she also knew it was both her spine popping into place and internal tissues feeling joy at proper realignment.

Sadly, this also meant her naughty zone was not spitting like a professional American baseball player. But being a female, she could multi-task: thus both enjoy her perfect spinal alignment and plot on how to make her son work on her front.

Ranma smiled a little. Although he was flush with embarrassment, the way his mother was moaning in relief obviously meant he was doing something right. Both hands moved down, caressing his mother's hips for a moment, massaging her tense gluts.

The raven-haired teenager frowned. "Mom, you don't need to push back into my hands. I'm starting to lose my grip," he warned her, having to lean over to try and keep her from moving off the seat, his pectorals pressing into her sudsy back along her shoulders to help steady her.

It had been far too long for Nodoka, and not just intimate male companionship. Had that been it, she would have been working at the local High School in the Athletics Department, like all the other desperate single women.

But no; as a married woman, she couldn't merely sleep with some male gymnast or a speed skater—the rare straight one. Given that her husband was a martial artist, she would need someone not afraid of the small-penised bastard trying to cripple them.

Luckily, her son had no such fear! And hadn't her fellow lonely housewives said that if you wanted a better man, to raise them? Granted, they had probably meant the pool-boys they had visit... but damn it! Even Genma might notice that they had a pool-boy over but no pool!

His hands coming off of her rear, Ranma worked his hands up along the sides of his mother's torso, expert fingers gliding over her hips and up along her ribs, washing into her armpits, slowly rubbing. "Mom..." he said slowly as he cleaned her. "I know you're enjoying this but I'm almost done with your back, you're going to need to start cleaning yourself."

The woman cooed, both from the pleasure of her son's skilled martial artist's fingers and the disappointment of realizing that yes, he almost was done. "C-can't you give your mother a break and wash your mommy's front too?"

That made Ranma pause in his motions, eyes going wide and pupils shrinking to pin-pricks. "..."

It was a conditioned response. After all, when a guy who turns into a girl is hit hard enough for such reasons, even he will wash his girl-side with their eyes closed.

Sadly for him, Ranma was not such a boy, who could connect those dots. That was also, probably why said hits had never decreased.

However, that had also technically been his body. The body currently thrusting their suds-covered top at him was not in said category.

Leaning her head back onto her son's right shoulder, Nodoka nuzzled her left cheek to his right one. "Please, Ranma... mama is feeling surprisingly weak right now... be a good boy and use those marvelous hands to help mama get clean..." she turned her head, breathing hotly onto her son's ear. "Mama's feeling SO dirty..."

Ranma's back shuddered, a solid FIVE on the scale of Nerima Back Shudders. This was NOT good but... oh crap... why was his mom putting him through this? His eyes trailing over to the katana in the corner, the pigtailed martial artist wondered if he had enough time to just bolt out of the bathroom before she could get her hands on it. She was pretty out of it.

And then she whimpered, "Please?"

Sighing, Ranma knew he was going to regret this immensely. Resigning himself to cleaning the woman, his hands, still holding the towels, slide his hands around her torso, moving along the rib-cage, right to the sternum.

Must not look, must not look, must not look... the pigtailed martial artist thought bitterly as he cleaned his mother. After all, who could resist their mother asking for help... aside from lonely men who ran hotels and liked drag?

He was not Konatsu!

"Sure, Mom," he finally verbally replied. As he said such, his fingers dug deep into flesh, working to make them erase their tenseness! As a dutiful son, he would do what was necessary to save his mother, even from stress knots!

Sadly for him, Nodoka could direct him to fight those—or what she claimed was those—anywhere. "Ooooh... that's it, my manly son..." the woman cooed. "A little higher, please... I have quite a bit that needs washing."

Eyes watering—and not because there was soap in them—a resigned and soon to be mentally-scarred Ranma resigned himself to what needed to be done. His hands came up beneath his mother's breasts, getting behind them and cleaning into where they were press against her chest.

The woman's moans were quite the happy sort. "Yes... j-just like that, Ranma... clean nicely and then clean over."

Ignoring the growls he had come to associate with the Neko-Ken being crowded by new mental trauma demanding room, he continued to work, slowly inching upward.

Going higher, he worked to relieve her stress, and Kami help him, his middle right fingernail caught a nipple.

"OH YE~EEEAAAAH!"

And the Neko-Ken growled louder as it was pushed back to mental balcony seating.

"Oh, oh Ranma... just like that, just like THAT!" she praised him, raising her arms up and wrapping them behind his head, keeping her son pressed to her. "Please... work mommy's tits... mommy has dirty, dirty breasts... make sure they're nice and clean..."

Ranma whimpered, his hands continuing to move over his mother's mammaries.

The woman smiled wider. "Ranma..." she cooed her son's name.

The martial artist visibly shivered. Kami-sama, that was a seven! A SEVEN! It only got that bad when one of his rivals came at him with a new technique and/or power-up! "Y-yes?"

"Lose the towels and work the soap in with your hands..." she kissed his cheek. "Please."

Feeling a bit of himself die on the inside—and the Neko-Ken run through the doors of the balcony seating and try to get past the popcorn vendors—he did as told. After all, Mommy knew best... and had a sharp sword to gut you like a tuna if she felt you weren't being manly.

So, closing his eyes, uttering a prayer, and mentally repeating, 'they're just like mine' Ranma dropped the wash cloth and... groped Mama.

"OOOOOOH!" Nodoka moaned heartilly. "Yes, Ranma... work 'em... work mama's breasts just like—"

*RING*!

Both mother and son paused, eyes snapping open as the woman's pleasure and the son's tension was cut like butter facing a hot knife.

*RING*!

*RING*!

"...Is that the phone?" Ranma slowly asked, not daring to hope.

*RING*!

"OH KAMI DAMN IT!" The woman cursed angrily, wondering who the hell would call her. For their sake they had BETTER have a good reason for interrupting her cleaning!


	2. Chapter 2

"Usagi..." Ami said slowly as she watched her friend use the Senshi Communicator in ways they were not meant to be: namely, a free cell phone. "What are you doing?"

"I'm using Mama's old personal phone book from college, what does it look like?" the odango-haired, blue-eyed girl replied as she attempted another call.

Makoto rolled her eyes. "Usagi, you've been dialing numbers and getting shouted at all day. What is your deal?"

"Guys, I need a job!" the future queen of Crystal Tokyo cried. "Mama's already told me since I didn't get any scholarships, I'm not going to college unless I pay for it! I can't afford college!"

Sighing, the tall brunette genuinely felt bad for her friend. Still, Makoto shook her head as what the blonde was doing didn't make sense! "All right, I understand the situation... but why are you calling your mom's old contacts?"

Listening to the communicator ring a bit more, the Senshi of the Moon turned to face her tallest of friends. "I'm hoping that maybe ONE of them has a job opening and if they were friends with mom, they might take pity on her daughter," Usagi explained how she was hoping to scam coerce explain her situation and have someone trust her to have a try at anything to do with making money and earning and honest wage.

She hoped this person was home. They were taking awhile to answer...

Growling like a dog being denied its bone—in a way, very true—Nodoka made her way down the stairs and towards the phone: her son had to be inconsiderate enough to use the guest bathroom on the second floor, after all!

Truthfully, she was also being denied the bone she sought, but that was another issue to bother those inconsiderate bastard gods with.

Finally coming upon a phone stand, the soaking wet woman in a now drenched kimono picked up the receiver and brought it to the right side of her head. "WHAT!?" she snarled. If this was a telemarketer, she didn't know how but she was going to reach through the line and strangle them!

The line was silent for a moment.

Nodoka was seeing red. "WELL!?"

It was then a nervous female voice spoke up. "Uh... h-hello?" the timid tone started. "Ah-am I speaking to Nodoka Kamiya?"

Flashback!

Well, Nodoka would blame it on 'experimenting, all of the kids are doing it' phase, but yes, she had a flashback to all the times she had been called that.

"Nodoka Kamiya, we do not kick boys there, even if we feel they are unmanly!"

"Nodoka Kamiya! We do not grab boys there, no matter if we are 'the horny'!"

"Nodoka Kamiya! Have you been in my stash again?"

"Nodoka Kamiya! You can't expect me to change your grade just because you're flashing your tits!"

"Nodoka Kamiya! Let the Prom King go!"

"Nodoka Kamiya! This is not how we pledge to this sorority! And let my boyfriend go!"

"Nodoka Kamiya! I may be a Guidance Counselor and am here to listen, but there are some things you should tell NO ONE!"

"Nodoka Kamiya! You mean to say you ate ALL the "special" brownies?"

"Nodoka Kamiya! GET THE HELL OFF OF MY MAN!"

"Nodoka Kamiya! Just because our parents promised us to be together and he is not 'technically' my husband, does not mean you can try that with him!"

"Nodoka Kamiya! Please rise as the jury reads their verdict!"

Back in the present, the voice nervously continued, "Uh... hello? Am I speaking to Nodoka Kamiya" it wouldn't be the first time she tried a number that no longer applied to the name listed.

The womanly blinked her eyes once, twice, feeling a lot calmer now that she had to remember the full name of her youth. "Oh, uh... yes. This is she," she replied, raising her free hand to wipe away cold sweat. "I'm sorry but it's been awhile since I went by that name. I'm Nodoka Saotome now. May I ask who's calling?"

"Oh, yeah," the voice started nervously. "Um... my name is Usagi Tsukino. You might not know me but my mother was known Ikuko Shiozaki... do you remember her?" the voice asked, the tone of the female's voice becoming hopeful.

She fought it!

Really, she did!

Okay, in truth Nodoka reveled in it! After all, Ikuko was one of her major accomplishments!

And by 'major', she meant 'too drugged up to testify or ask for royalties'.

Ah, yes; she remembered Ikuko! Dedicated to her promised husband, hairy cooch, always fell for a bit of Rophynol in her morning coffee brewed in their dorm room, and never asked questions about why her underwear was missing the morning after. "...Yes?"

Didn't mean she couldn't have become a squealer in her later years and blabbed to the cops! She remembered what happened with her roommate BEFORE Ikuko. Loose lipped-bitch who was now some Arab's third wife...

Ah well, it still paid for Junior Year. Sacrifices had to be made, especially if they weren't hers...

When there were no screams or formal charges immediately thrown her way, Nodoka relaxed. The woman smiled a little and expanded with, "Oh yes, dear. I remember your mother. She was my favorite roommate while we were in college. We were together in the same dorm for three years straight!" Mostly because the dorms were booked straight through and no one else would trade.

"Really? That's great!" Usagi said happily. "And that is a co-in-ci... coinside... er..."

"COINCIDENCE, ODANGO HEAD!" another female voice shouted.

"Right!" the voice yelped. "It's a coincidence you knew her in college. I'm trying to save up the money so I can go. Mama already told me she and dad aren't going to spend a single Yen unless I can pick my grade up and MAYBE get a scholarship... well... I've only got a year and at this point, it would be easier to find a job. Do you know any leads?"

Even had she not been hornier than a grouping of rhinos—damn her biology teacher for being right and that she might need to know what a grouping of such would be called—she would have answered in the affirmative! After all, her manly son did—as soon as she told, him, anyway—have such a place where young girls with daddy issues could work.

Well, she assumed that last part. After all, who could Ikuko have married and not created daddy issues for any female spawn to develop?

"Oh yes, yes of course dear!" the Saotome Matriarch said excitedly. "My manly son, Ranma... he's starting up a business venture soon! Why, we're going tomorrow to check the building out and will be looking for employees very soon! Tell any and all of your lovely female friends. We'll give you all an honest try-out! Why, if you or they have any daddy issues, it's a plus in your court!"

The voice was silent for a moment. "...WOW! You hear that, Rei? They have a job for you too!"

"FUCK YOU!"

Nodoka smiled! Two girls with daddy issues!

"And Mako-chan's daddy died when she was young! She's had to raise herself!"

"Usag-chani!" a third mortified female voice shouted over the line.

Nodoka nearly squealed! Three girls with absent male paternal figures! "And do any of them have large busts, my dear?"

"Oh, no problem there! Mako-chan's are HUGE! "

"USAGI!"

Yes... the numerous kami may have cock-blocked her, but they did doth offer a huge DD bonus.

"Oh! And let's not forget my friend Ami," Usagi continued. "Her parents are divorced and she's had to live with her mother while her father enjoys his life!" she said excitedly. "And Minako's folks... why they're always on vacation out of the country, abandoning her!"

"...Wow..." a very gentle female voice spoke up. "I never thought of it that way but technically we DO have father issues."

"Hey, I resemble that remark!" another female voice shouted. "I have my cat Artemis to keep me company!"

Nodoka had to force herself not to do the Snoopy Dance. After all, doing it wet, and in only a towel, was asking for trouble.

She now had five females of legal age—please, Kami-sama, let them be of legal age—wanting a job, jobs that she had now available at her son's strip club.

Well, it was his when she told him... eventually... when she felt he was ready.

But could girls who had been 'touched' by her manly son strip? Well... for a few months, at least... and some guys loved that 'nine months' look.

"So..." Usagi carefully ventured to speak. "Is that a 'yes'?"

Nodoka grinned from ear-to-ear. "Why of course my dear! I just need contact numbers so I can get ahold of you... cell phones, home phones..." she was opening the drawer of the phone stand, getting out the number pad and a pencil. Oh, she hoped she could get a chance to maybe talk to Ikuko again! She so missed that tasty little bitch!

Especially when she was hammered on 'Jolly Ranchers' and begging someone to stop licking her creamy center...

But who was so weak enough to get wasted on candy? Really!?

Oh wait! The girl was prattling off numbers now, despite the many shouts of other girls make up rather distracting background noise. "Uh-huh... uh-huh... uh-huh..." the mature woman mumbled as she continued to write names and associated phone numbers. "And you're all of age, right?"

"Yep! We're all seventeen and Mako-chan is eighteen!"

"Makoto is eighteen?" a curious voice asked. "Since when?"

"Hey! I was held back a year because my parents died, all right!?" a firm female voice snapped.

"Ri~iiiiight," Nodoka stated, writing down numbers. "And this 'Haruka' girl?"

"Oh, she's a lesbian, but she's always flirting, promising to be faithful but always hitting on anyone..."

Nodoka nodded. Sounded like a fiancée... but missing something... like someone else who was crazier that would continue to make things difficult.

"Oh, and she's in a steady relationship. Granted I don't think either of them would strip but you could always call and ask! They even have another woman in their household, a Setsuna Meioh!"

That made Nodoka pause. Setsuna Meioh? No... it couldn't be. That was the name of her college's Guidance Counselor... damn bitch, always trying to keep her and Ikuko away from each other and mumbling something about crystals in Tokyo.

Nodoka frowned. She always hated that bitch. Obviously, smoking crystal meth or pot and never sharing! The Saotome Matriarch knew that Meioh had to be doing it! She was a Guidance Counselor!

However, from her scowl, a smile slowly developed. Turning two lesbians and screwing over her former guidance counselor?

How could she say no!?

The only way this could be perfect was if—

"And Haruka was recently complaining how her father was upset that they would never have any children..."

LOT... SOLD!

"Oh yes," Nodoka cooed. "I thank you very much for your assistance. I promise you, I'll get in touch with everyone when the time for try-outs comes. Honest!" she practically giggled like a school girl. "Now if you'll excuse me, I have to get back to what I was doing before. But thank you for helping make my day!"

"No problem!" Usagi chirped happily. "And thank you very much for giving me this opportunity! I won't let you down!"

Nodoka had to bite her tongue to keep from screaming, 'I know you won't' before slowly hanging up the receiver.

Not only five possible girls, but one or two lesbians and possibly her old guidance counselor for her son to test his manliness on...

This would almost make up for the time her friend, Kaoih had to relent on their bet to try and hook up their children, simply because her daughter had 'preferred kitty over doggy'.

Like that would stop Nodoka! Thanks to her son's curse, it didn't matter which end of the sausage they preferred, she would get her grand-babies; no matter what!

Not that any of the others would go that far! Kami knew that college Ikuko would have never stopped just because her child preferred outies to innies!

Luckily, it appeared their promise would be fulfilled, unless Ikuko was stupid enough to let her daughter date a useless man who claimed to be a reincarnated prince from a long dead kingdom...

But, really, what were the chances?

Nodoka smiled as she stood up straight. Ah yes! This was definitely a good day!

Now... to get back to her manly son's wonderful hands!

*Ding-Dong*!

"...OH KAMI-SAMA DAMN IT!" Nodoka cursed as the doorbell rang. Why were the kami so intent to keep her from her manly son!?


	3. Chapter 3

Stop & Find - Money: Polishing Silver (LEMON) [Episode 247447]

by Red Priest of the 17th Order

Her feet stomping firmly, the Matriarch of the Saotome family made her way to the door and opened it, damn her appearance! "All right, who the HELL is it and what do you... want..." the auburn-tressed woman trailed off, blinking her eyes once, twice. "...Nabiki? What are you doing here?" she asked curiously. She hoped the little bitch wasn't searching for her son. She hadn't been too keen on the middle Tendo since Nodoka found out it had been her that told the other fiancées that she'd bought an engagement ring for her manly son to give to Akane.

And now this more recent cock-block wasn't helping the middle Tendo daughter's image in this woman's eyes. Damn it, Nodoka needed some!

"Hello, Aunite," Nabiki said with a smile. It didn't help to piss off the one source she couldn't bribe, trick, or lie into following her whims. "Did Ranma land here?" she asked. "I was molesting him, due to his overwhelming manliness, when my anti-manliness sister knocked him in this direction."

Nodoka raised an eyebrow. On one hand, she was still very pissed at the petulant child...

...On the other hand she had enough taste to recognize her son was VERY manly. "That depends, Nabiki Tendo. Will you be bringing those other women over here like you had the last time? Those women who destroyed my home looking for a small 14K gold and 5K diamond engagement ring?"

Biting her tongue, Nabiki nodded 'no'. Hell, that ring alone—pawned, of course—would be worth way more than those girls could pay! The fact said lie would also not only get her in good with Auntie, but probably more dirt on Saotome than ever before, made her decision for her!

Although the middle Tendo daughter did wonder why Auntie was in a wet cover and why she was acting as if someone had just cock-blocked her...

Nodoka nodded her head to that, understanding that the woman would accept her terms. "Very well. Nabiki, you can come in and we'll talk. I know you are more knowledgeable about finances than my son is and in truth, he could use the help right now..." she admitted. "If it works out, it might even be an honest job for you..."

She had to try and get the Tendo up on stage! Kami-sama knew she had daddy issues!

True, the oldest was the better shot, what with also having 'replace mommy so daddy loves me' issues, but you had to start small. If not, those like Kasumi got knocked up in two months, and then where were you!? Not with a high-class act, she could tell you!

Nabiki raised an eyebrow as an array of emotions crossed over the older woman's face but agreed to it. "Fine..." she walked in and closed the door behind her. "All right, Auntie... is Ranma here or not?"

She nodded her head, already untying her bathing kimono. "Yes, he landed here. Such a good son he is! He was giving his mommy a loving massage until the phone interrupted me... and then you came in."

Nabiki nodded, keeping the smirk from her face. Not only could she later hint to the other girls that Ranma landed near another interested woman, but that he had 'laid living hands' on her. Oh, she could just count the yen now!

And she would, too! She was like her father, after all: no latter planning.

"Anyway..." Nodoka continued as she started to walk. "I left Ranma in the bathroom. I still need to finish cleaning up, especially since I've been out in the open and getting dirty... I'll have to have my manly son massage and wash me up again..."

Now Nabiki was having trouble keeping a poker face but being the experienced money-grubber she was, managed it. "Oh? So Ranma was bathing with you?"

"Actually he had already started when I walked in on him..." she admitted as they came to the changing room. She simply shucked off her kimono and put it in the laundry basking, the moisture from her previous cleaning having made it all squishy and uncomfortable. "Now Nabiki, be a dear and strip."

"...What?" the Mercenary Tendo asked, as 'Auntie' went 'au naturalé', with nothing else to change into.

Turning to look at the younger woman, Nodoka smiled. "Well, one simply cannot bathe clothed," she replied. "Especially after being molested by a manly being, like my son."

The gaze sent towards her, the middle Tendo quickly realized her options were limited. Sighing, Nabiki shook her head in defeat. If anything happened, she could tell daddy later how Ranma had seen her naked. At best she could tell the fiancées and charge them for it. And worst, she could tell the fiancées and charge them for it... and Ranma wouldn't be there to protect her out of pride and duty and honor and all that bullshit.

Deciding she'd just bill Ranma later, the middle Tendo began to undress.

Nodoka just smiled as the middle Tendo stripped. She gave the girl a quick once-over, noticing a few 'beauty choices' said girl had made and nodded in approval. Any person could tell you that 'dining in' could be ruined when you had to stop eating to try and cough out a hair.

Although, she did wonder what she would recommend for her manly son... manly bits had to have hair, lest they stick to legs and wind up being pulled in painful directions.

Women, not so much...

Perhaps her son's hair down there could be shaved as a girl, but remain hairy as a guy? After all, her unmanly husband wasn't a bald panda.

Once the Middle Tendo had stripped herself naked, she was doing her best to keep a poker face on as she could FEEL the gaze of the older woman's eyes on her—one so strong she'd swear she was being mentally undressed even when already physically such—Nabiki turned to a cabinet and began pulling out some bathing supplies and made damn certain there were clean towels. "All right... I'm ready."

Nodoka smiled. "Oh manly son, I'm—WOW!" she cried out at the sight that greeted her. Her son was just stepping out of the furo, left leg raised up on with foot planted firmly the edge for grounding... fortunately, that was the leg away from the entrance, allowing her a perfect view of what lay between her stunned son's legs.

Appreciating the sight and realizing this was a perfect chance to get Ranma under her thumb, Nabiki let off an appreciative whistle. "So... I bet this is what happened that first time at the Dojo when Akane walked in on you, huh?"

"...GAH!" Ranma cried, diving back into the furo—amazing both females as he didn't even create a splash, let alone a small wake of water—covered his eyes, and turned around. "Nabiki!" he cried.

"Yes, Ranma-kun," she purred almost seductively. It was seductive, as she was thinking of how much Yen she was going to get out of him for this!

"Wuh-what are you doing here!?" He gasped, back turned from his naked mother and a naked Nabiki. "HOW did you know I was here?"

Smiling, Nabiki decided she'd try and butter up to Nodoka with a half-truth as she replied, "Oh, silly Ranma... don't you remember you left me the key to your mother's house before Akane, in a fit of jealousy from me having my hand on that rock-hard manhood of yours, malleted YOU out of my family's home?"

"SQUEE!"

Neither teen was exactly certain what that sound was, but somehow, Nodoka made it. Oh, her manly son had been sent there because Akane had caught the two fooling around! Well, it was the girl's fault, after all. If Akane would have been more open with her hormonal urges—like Nodoka and many red-blooded Japanese females—it probably wouldn't have happened.

Oh, who was she kidding!? Who could resist her manly son!? Even she had been about to partake of that buffet before Nabiki interrupted!

Not only that, but he had given her the key to this place! Obviously, her manly son was setting up his mother's house as a place to escape from the Tendo Dojo and have passionate trysts with his admirers! I knew it would pay off to put his childhood furniture in storage and decorate it with a more manly taste!

She did hope that salesperson was wrong, however. Surely her son would enjoy the mirror on the ceiling.

A huge grin on her face, Nodoka replied, "Now my manly son, you be a dear and scoot over. We're going to join you and have a lovely time washing each other and talking... Nabiki SO needs some time under those hands!" She wasn't sure if Nabiki had gotten so far as to be massaged by her wonderful son yet, but she wanted to make sure the dear who was the first to open up to her son definitely got a taste.

His eyes bugging out, Ranma knew this was bad. He knew the furo was meant to comfortably suit one person—or a third of his father—at a time. Nodoka getting in would make things a tight fit and awkward... to have his mother AND Nabiki, the later of which would likely sell such information to the highest bidder and in turn set him up to get killed!?

"WAAAIT!" Ranma shouted hysterically, standing up and waving his arms frantically to keep them from getting in.

Nabiki smirked. Oh she loved watching Saotome's futile attempts to appease people. If only she had her camera: she could imagine the Yen his 'Fiancée Brigade' would shell out for images of such an unobscured view.

Nodoka blinked her eyes once, twice... of course her sight was settled South. Still, his actions did confuse her "My manly son, whatever is the matter?"

"ARE YOU NUTS!?" He cried out. As his mother looked up from his privates to glare into his eyes—seriously, he didn't know which gaze of hers was worse—it was with a pathetic plea he tried to save his skin. "I mean... this... the tub's a bit small for three."

Nodoka considered her son's words. He was right! Oh, such a manly man, wise beyond his years! He was obviously trying to put their comfort first: as it was a true manly man that thought of his ladies before his own benefit. "You know what, my manly son? You're right! We can't all get in the furo!"

Ranma let out a sigh of relief. Oh thank the Kami he actually dodged that—

"We should head out back and use the hot-tub! That will fit all of us!"

"..." He should have known better; the Kami never helped him dodge anything. They simply changed it into a boomerang.

"But first!" Nodoka cheered, leading/escorting/pulling Nabiki over to the wash basin area. "Dear Nabiki needs your help washing up! We can't enter the nice hot tub all dirty, can we?"

Those words made the Middle Tendo smirk. "Yeah, Ranma-kun," Nabiki replied, sitting on a nearby stool, and turning to face the still shell-shocked pigtailed boy, setting her legs up to give him a perfect view of her hidden treasure. "Hurry! I feel so~oo dirty."

"..." Ranma really had no response for that... and it wasn't helping that is mother was making noises of delight behind him. "Uh... shouldn't you turn around so I can start on your back?"

Nabiki's smirk widened. "Why, Ranma... it's not like this is anything you haven't seen before... hurry up Ranma... I'm such a dirty little girl..." she gyrated her hips a bit, enjoying this game. It was always fun to hold some power over Ranma, especially since she knew he wouldn't act on it.

Especially as if he did, she'd tell her sisters, daddy, and fiancées—for a price—and he'd never have a moment's peace ever again!

Taking Ranma's shaking as barely contained excitement of getting his hands on his girl, Nodoka made her way over to her son, grabbing his somewhat pale hand and pulling him out of the furo and towards the middle Tendo, admiring his attempts to not be rushed, so he could retain control of himself.

Even if Nabiki knew he was shaking in fear, not restrained passion, and being dragged because he feared her, not wanted to keep himself from ravishing her.

Finally getting him standing between the outstretched Tendo's legs—and smiling as said girl seemed to focus on her son's manhood now inches from her face—Nodoka slowly pushed him to a kneeling position. "Now, son; I shall help with her back, but she must really experience your wonderful hands cleaning her dirty front!"

Ranma... well... he did not whimper, but that was only because he was so scared he couldn't bring himself to make ANY sound. However, in his mind he could hear that the Neko-Ken did, growling in annoyance as it was pushed out of the mental theater and into the parking lot. There weren't even any scraps of food out there in the barren wasteland where education, manners, social graces, common sense, and tact had been exiled to!

Nabiki's smirk was absolutely devious as she gazed down at Ranma. "Come on, Saotome... use those hands of yours. Chop-chop!" she clapped her hands for emphasis, wanting him to get moving. Oh this was too good! The fear on his face was just priceless.

As the Neko-Ken's growls became mewls of defeat it was then something in Ranma's mind snapped... the boy was pushed beyond his limits. It wasn't the position... it wasn't his mother... it wasn't the concept of what he was being made to do.

It was her Kami-Damned smirk!

"Come on, Ranmaaaaaa..." the middle Tendo daughter said teasingly. "I'm wait~ING!?" she yelped out as his right hand came between her legs.

As he hid his smirk—and ignored his mother's whispered squeal of 'manly', he reached towards a bucket the elder woman still had in hand, grabbing the warm wash cloth as well as dipping it in the warm water—Nodoka wanted her son to stay a man to be manly for the moment, and somehow, managed to suds up the cloth before slowly bringing it down on Nabiki's right shoulder.

His other hand, during all of this, was continuing to rub her hairless prize. His smirk growing slightly bit by bit as her face continued to be frozen in shock.

"Don't worry," the pigtailed martial artist stated, nearly monotone, "I'll help clean you up." His hand moved expertly over her shoulder. She wanted to play with fire? Fine! It was time to melt the Ice Queen! She'd been riding his ass for far too long: it was about time she was the one on the receiving end.

Fingers gripping into the cloth, he pinched nerves in her shoulders, going for ones that lead throughout muscles over the clavicle and scapula, sending shivers of quivering sensation all throughout, his left hand never moving from its spot between her legs.

Rearing her head back, Nabiki couldn't help herself as she let out a moan. It was SO damned embarrassing! How could he do this to her? Do this in front of his mother!

Who she now noticed was rubbing her own legs together. Kami-sama, that was disturbing!

Biting her tongue to stifle a moan, Nodoka slowly lowered the bucket to the floor beside Nabiki—bending with her legs open to allow the air to hopefully cool off her building heat, smirking as the girl seemed to focus on her own hairless muff. Ah! Well, at least it seems this one is interested in being with my manly son when he is my daughter!

It made sense to her mind.

Grabbing a second cloth, the Saotome Matriarch took a moment suds it as well, and slid behind the still reclined Tendo. "I told you his hands were good," Nodoka purred in her ear, slowly rubbing the cloth along Nabiki's lower back—and adding a bit of pressure to push her pelvis into her son's invading digits, as well as closer to his bobbing manhood.

Ranma's hand finally left the Tendo's shoulder, washing across her neckline and over to the other shoulder. As he gripped her there, he noticed Nabiki's hips pressing harder onto his hand. The martial artist had to press his hand even harder back to her to keep the woman from falling off the bench.

What's this oily stuff? He thought as he continued to clean her. Did his mom drop something on my hand?

As he wiggled his fingers and got a VERY loud moan from Nabiki... even he had to pause as he realized WHAT had happened. Aw shit... I'm gonna be SO broke when this is done...

So manly! Nodoka cried internally, as Nabiki's head was now leaning far enough back to be resting on her shoulder. As she moved the cloth upwards along her back, she kept one hand back, not only continuing pressure on the lower back, but allowing the older woman to slip a soapy finger down further, teasing the crevice that awaited, hoping her son didn't begrudge her, her own attempts to help 'heat' things up.

Though that was about as sneaky as she got, half-tempted to nibble on the presented earlobe. But she wanted to see how Ranma would progress things further. He wasn't entirely flying solo, but she had to ensure her baby could be manly properly.

...Well... if I'm gonna die, it might as well be for something worth it, was Ranma's thought before he felt, 'to hell with it'. His hands started to rub the towel over the Tendo woman's breasts in a 'figure eight' motion, sudsing up her breasts thoroughly, wash-clothed fingers perfectly teasing those puffing areolas and hardening nubs of her nipples.

Hey, being a girl half the time meant that while he didn't look at himself, he was knowledgeable about the sensations those parts could do!

The woman trembled as she found herself between the mother and son duo. Holy shit, what the hell happened to her control!? Ranma wasn't supposed to be this forward! And... oh dear Kami-sama! WHY were his hands so GOOD!?

"I told you his hands were good," Nodoka cooed/whispered into Nabiki's ear. While her son was pushing back, it wasn't to say Nodoka had stopped. Her middle finger was already teasing the black cherry of Nabiki. "Just imagine how many times he'll be able to help you bathe, now that you have a key here for some... privacy."

Although, I may have to get my son another key... maybe several, in case he makes similar deals with other female friends, Nodoka thought. She had only just the one made—not like she wanted her lazy, unmanly, non-wife-banging ass of a husband here without her knowledge. She'd rather not have to get their things back from the pawn shop... Again...

"Now dear, shouldn't you be thanking him?" Nodoka asked, nipping lightly at the displayed earlobe.

The middle Tendo daughter shivered as the woman nibbled her ear. "F-fuck..." Nabiki cursed, letting such words pass her lips. Damn, this WAS good! If she knew Ranma had hands THIS talented, she would've fought much harder to get him that part-time job at the local masseuses'! He could've been raking in money like leaves in Autumn and paid off his debt to her in weeks! WEEKS!

Which, of course, meant that he'd be paid off in months. She always 'rounded up' for interest.

The woman's thoughts were suddenly taken off of money as she cried out, gasping as Ranma's hand came down to her stomach, surprised by how sensitive it was to his touch. "F-FUCK!"

By now, Nodoka had already finished the girl's back, the cloth being dropped on the floor, her own breasts pushing into Nabiki's back. The one hand was still busy teasing Nabiki's rear exit, as well as applying pressure to keep her pinned to her son's hand. The other had slipped between her splayed legs, stirring her own heat, wishing that her son would have been able to finish her own washing.

Still, she couldn't let the young lady get away with such language in her home! "Naughty language, dear," Nodoka replied, licking along the rim of the ear. "That's not a proper thank you. Don't you want my son to know how much you appreciate his hard work," she stated huskily, as she rubbed her breasts into Nabiki's back.

The middle Tendo sibling moaned louder... and the worse part she didn't know why. Was it because of Ranma's fingers... or the woman's breasts to her back?

Not a lesbian, not a lesbian, not a lesbian—that's Akane's department—not a lesbian, not a lesbian, not a lesbian... was the Middle Tendo's internal mantra as she tried to tell herself she wasn't enjoying the older woman pressed to her...

But then that would mean she'd have to admit she was enjoying the ministrations of Ranma, the boy she considered an idiot jock and an easily manipulated stooge!

"F-fuuuuuuck..." she moaned once more at her situation... especially as Ranma switched hands, now using the cloth to wash between her legs.

"That's not very nice," Ranma stated, his smirk near levels that mirrored Nabiki's own earlier. With a smile, he soon switched back between the cloth and molesting her area. "Might have to come back to that area later, just seems so dirty. I want to make sure everything else is clean first." With that, he slid the wash cloth along her inner thigh, hitting nerve clusters as he went.

He was so glad Tofu had left before he had returned that book to him. It had been a mistaken grab—he had wanted something more specific about pain blockers, not a complete listing of them and how best to be used. However, he wasn't upset about that now, as he watched Nabiki's arms try to rise up and grab his head.

Damn, revenge IS sweet! he thought with giddy glee, trying to keep from using both hands on her. He was pretty sure if he did that, he'd melt her mind in pleasure.

Hmm... he felt he should be charging her back for this but for some reason, that made him feel like one of those guys he had met when he'd followed Kasumi around that one time. Dear Kami-sama, his knee STILL acted up from what happened when that trip ended. Why the hell did Kasumi have to hit him with a ceramic baton?

Needless to say, that was ONE Tendo he never worried about being kidnapped or cornered by his fiancées.

Nabiki was fighting herself more and more, pleasure of incredible heights warring with her own Inner-Alpha mentality.

She wanted to charge Ranma for what he was doing. Well, him and his mother. She also wanted to demand that he stop playing around and finish her off! She was so close, and his hands just kept raising higher and higher!

The most Mercenary of the Tendoes was also swearing that she would own his soul after this! Not only was he molesting her—well, they both were but she couldn't exactly use anything against Nodoka, as Ranma might actually fight for her—but he had been hiding these skills from her!

There would be a reckoning! Did you hear her, Kami-sama!? There would be a reck—oh-oh-OH! Oh shit!

"OH SHIT!" Nabiki screamed out as that pigtailed bastard suddenly delved his fingers up into her depths and curled them, rubbing them right against her 'G-Spot'. Kicking her legs out around Ranma's body, the woman SCREAMED at the top of her lungs as she orgasmed.

Even Ranma had to yelp as the woman's inner-muscles clenched incredibly tight around his fingers. Kami-sama! Was THIS what Ryoga went through with the Bakusai Tenketsu Training?

And that brought its own dangerous tangent...

Don't think of Cologne, don't think of Cologne, don't think of Cologne...

Smirking at how Nabiki was pulsing, trying to somehow lock her legs around Ranma, one arm grabbing the back of Nodoka's head and pulling her close, the other desperately grabbing Ranma's hand that was fondling her lower portal.

As the squeal rose in pitch, Nodoka took it as a good sign, and decided to add some more 'oomph' to it. Her middle finger slipped past the tight ring of Nabiki's back hole, allowing her to feel the same pressure that Ranma was feeling.

Of course, her thoughts were of the hope that she wouldn't need to go to the doctor and explain how she broke a finger.

Ranma—while continuing his mantra—allowed his body to continue rubbing Nabiki, the towel once again about to touch her convulsing opening.

"GAAAAH!" Nabiki cried out as she tried to buck, gyrating the bunch of digits invading her. Oh, oh no! Hell no! She did NOT just multi-orgasm, did she? Did she?

"FUCK!" the woman roared. Yes, apparently she just did.

It was one part natural ability of hers, one part assistance from the rear—pun intended—and one part of Ranma continuing to stimulate certain nerve groupings along her leg. Her orgasm had been going strong for nearly half a minute, and he had yet to descend below her knee on her second leg.

A chore made all the more difficult with her flailing legs trying to wrap around him and the almost Akane-like death grip she had on his hand currently fingering her. As her fingers gripped tighter, she finally got through to the pigtailed martial artist. "Ow! OW! OWW! NABS, QUIT PULLIN' MY HAIR!" Kami-sama knew he didn't want to be as bald as his father.

Hearing that, Nodoka's eyes shot open. Her maternal instincts/pride came to the forefront as she literally pulled the younger woman off from her son. "LEAVE MY MANLY MAN SON'S HAIR ALONE!" was her mighty roar as she forced Nabiki off him—her finger still in Nabiki's back passage—holding her up in the air as if she were about to perform a body slam.

*Riiiiiiip*!

"EEEOOOUCH!" Ranma cried out as he lost a good fistful of hairs.

It was also enough to stop his constant stimulation, thus allowing Nabiki to slowly come down from her multi-orgasm... or at least it would have, had Nodoka not decided to 'punish' her for making Ranma's luxurious hair now need to be re-evened, by shoving a second finger up Nabiki's rear without proper preparation—a must for first timers back there—and removing her own hand from her thoroughly dripping temple to reach around and roughly pinch Nabiki's erect nipple.

Not as pleasurable, but at a certain point, any stimulation can cause the opposite effect. "No one hurts my manly man son!" She roared as she put her College Women's Wrestling training to use for the first time since her Honeymoon. "Bitch be ruinin' my manly man son!? NODOKA SMASH!"

"Muh-mom! MOM!" Ranma shouted before the woman killed Nabiki—boy, who would've thought he'd be defending HER of all people?—and made a whole mess of trouble. "Stop! It was an accident! She couldn't control herself!" Man, defending her feels weird... like eating the Tomboy's cooking and not spending a hour in the bathroom expelling it from one end... or all ends. "Besides, she didn't get the roots! See!?" he yelled, lowering his head to show her.

Sadly, he forgot exactly how he had lost said hair to begin with. Nodoka grabbed the back of his head and pulled him towards her and Ranma got smushed into her chest, his lips and nose resting now on Nodoka's juice-covered hand.

Nodoka studied his scalp with a scrutinizing gaze. "Hmm... no roots torn... no blood... just a small short patch of torn hair..." she placed the younger woman down on the bench with her other hand and took her free hand off his face before hugging him protectively, the poor pigtailed martial artist's face buried in her cleavage. "Oh, my manly man son! You're all right! You're all right!" she crowed happily, feeling such relief.

"C-can't breathe..." he managed to croak out from between the woman's breasts, arms flailing frantically.

Nodoka, sadly, was not focused on that for the moment, nor was Ranma focused on that odd smell and taste he found himself discovering now. For the moment, the woman was wondering how—now that she had confirmed that Ranma was safe and in no dangers of needing emergency medical transport for a post-haste hair restoring operation—she could pull him closer and a bit higher or at the least... get him to finish washing herself.

It would be a bit more difficult when they got into the hot tub, especially as she planned to ply him—and the other girl, if she woke up—with her special Virgin-Recipe mixed drinks!

Oh, they had alcohol in them. Nodoka just called them that because no matter how much you could hold your alcohol, her drinks always made you feel like a first time drinker.

"C-c-c-can't... breeeaaathe..." Ranma tried one more time, his movements becoming less energetic.

Sighing, Nodoka realized she better let go, lest he need a trip to the hospital for ANOTHER reason... and then she'd NEVER get the washing she needed!


	4. Chapter 4

Stop & Find - Money: Singing in the Hot-Tub, Dancing to the Pain... (LIME) [Episode 247738]

by Red Priest of the 17th Order

His eyes unfocused as he stared ahead at nothingness, Ranma shivered as he held onto his glass, barely noticing how warm the water was or how powerfully the water-jets bubbled against him... the things he'd see... the things he did...

Meerrrooooowwww...

Yep. About the only good thing about all this was that the Neko-Ken had been thoroughly beaten into submission. He knew and understood now that cats were nothing to be afraid of. No... it'll be what Nabiki does to me when she finally regains feeling. Any feeling...

He was pretty sure the only reason she wasn't demanding everything he had at the moment was she A) Could not walk, B) Was terrified of his mother and C) If she needed to get away he was going to have to carry her off.

"Here you go!" a nude Nodoka cried, making the cat whine in his head again, and Nabiki shiver as if her wallet was empty. "Two of my specials! I call them "No-Chan Nukes"!"

Ranma just blinked, taking the drink as Nodoka all but forced one of the other glasses into Nabiki's hand. Tilting his head, he had to wonder... fid the liquid just bubble into a mushroom cloud?

"Now, since this is your first time with my drinks, it's best for you both to be leaning over the edge of the tub," the Saotome Matriarch explained. Last thing she wanted was her chances of finally getting some pipes cleaned to be ruined by the fact Nabiki couldn't keep liquor down.

Her son, oh, he'd keep it down, and ask for seconds! She knew he would. He was HER Son! He was the manly man that could handle anything! Besides, he had to if he was to prove he was worthy of acquiring, "The Notebook"!

Ah yes, her precious "Notebook", something she came up with the help of her friend Sayoko Mano and that Mizuno woman who was going for her doctorate. A Recipe Book of the hardest of hard drinks, the stuff that could knock men off their feet and send them flying for miles!

Kami knew her drinks were what initially got her husband interested in her... lazy bastard. Wanted the nice drinks but he more-so wanted a woman who could mix them for him.

She'd be DAMNED if her son asked his ladies to make drinks for him! He'd get behind the bar and be a MANLY man as he tended to HIS ladies' lust for life in more ways than one!

As if sensing the woman's intent, the Neko-Ken gave Ranma a pitiful warning mewl of, Merroooowwww~w~w~w~w~w...

Nervously looking towards Ranma—don't be stupid, the hand not holding the drink was in the water protecting her backside from sneak attack—Nabiki waited for Ranma to drink it. He did and survived, she'd take a sip.

If he did and died... well... there was a reason his codename in her books was 'Canary'.

Ranma just stared at the bubbling glass, wishing he could somehow toss the alcohol away. His luck plus hard liquor was never that great. He always ended up doing embarrassing things ... like kissing Akane or talking about feelings, or even—he shuddered—watching "Twilight".

Stupid sparkly emo vampires and stupid teenage girls that complain about everything...

Of course, he'd never say that out loud. Hell, one light comment was why Kasumi had struck him with her ceramic baton. No way in Hell would he ever reveal to anyone how he really felt about the series, lest it would get back to her, and he'd wake up a dead man.

Finally, deciding to bite the bullet—and besides, his mother was now tapping her foot in annoyance beneath the water of the hot-tub as he had yet to down it—he took a deep breath, and gulped it down in one shot.

While annoyed before, Nodoka's fears were swept away as she went wide-eyed with that action. Smiling, the woman couldn't help but feel a swell of pride. "Oh, that is the way my manly son..." she cooed happily. Why, not even SHE was able to down one of her "Nukes" in one shot—it always took her three sips minimum. For her son to be able to do that and not even blink... he was truly a manly man! Perhaps Chuck Norris manly!

Yes, she compared her son to Chuck Norris. She'd mailed him a thermos of her drink and got a signed picture from him in return with the message, Thanks for the Breakfast Drink! Makes a great mouthwash AND skull polish too! - C. Norris.

As the heir of the Saotome School of Anything Goes Martial Arts lowered the glass, Nabiki inquired, "Well, how was it?" At the lack of response, she reached over and placed her hand in front of Ranma's face, waving it. He just continued to stare on ahead.

Finally, Ranma responded with, "I think... I think I'm blind."

Nodoka just nodded. "Don't worry, it usually goes away after the second glass." Well, except for that one guy, but then after the third serving, he no longer cared. Besides, it would come back... maybe...

Damn musicians OD'ing before she had a full case observation! Last time she went to an opera...

Seeing that Ranma was alive—well, not screaming as he dissolved into a puddle of goo, breathing fire, and especially not relieving himself in the hot-tub—Nabiki decided to take a shot. With any luck, it would kill the brain-cells for the last few hours and she would be free of the mental horror she now carried.

Ranma was so getting a kitten for his birthday though.

So, feeling brave, she took a small sip... and then another.

Finally, a third of the glass was gone, causing her to blink. "I got nothing."

"It takes a while if you only have little bits," Nodoka replied, as she made more of the drinks, sipping her own. She did like standing, after all.

Understanding that she wasn't going to be getting much more out of Ranma for a bit, Nabiki decided to try and make the best of her situation... wheedle more information out of Nodoka while Ranma was too stoned on alcoholic 'drinks' to object otherwise. "So... Aunty..." she said slowly. "What's all this I've been hearing about Ranma getting money... and you mentioned a... business..." she slowly took another sip.

Smiling, Nodoka was beaming with pride. "Why, Yes, Nabiki. I was talking to the real estate agent this afternoon and even faxed over Ranma's signature for the document." she leaned over and smiled at Nabiki. "Tell me dear... have you ever heard of the "Pink Kitty"?"

"..." Yes, Nabiki HAD heard of the Pink Kitty. It was a Strip Club not too far off from Furinkan High School... a place even SHE had worked at a few nights earlier on in her career of being the Tendo Mercenary before realizing it was MUCH easier to con people out of money with gambling than having to shake her goods for it. "...Maybe..." the Tendo daughter finally admitted. "What does that have to do with anything?"

Granted, she had a feeling what it meant... but she'd prefer to hear it out of the other woman's mouth. Besides, Nabiki was pretty sure the former owner was about to 'check' her credentials, and really, if she wanted a man that much of a fat prick, she'd be trying to seduce Genma.

And did someone just mess with the Tint control for the world?

Ranma was just pawing the air, trying to get his sight back.

"Here you go, Son," Nodoka purred, offering him another glass.

*SQUISHY*!

Well, the grope was just the starter price, as far as she was concerned. And like he didn't know what he had in his hand! "A little to your left, Ranma."

*SQUISHY*!

"Sorry, my left, your right."

Ranma blinked his sightless eyes and—despite what his mother thought—wasn't sure what he was groping. But finally he moved his hand to the right.

*SQUISHY*!

Suppressing a shiver of delight, Nodoka told him, "No, manly son, now you're back where you started."

Moving his hand over to the right one more time Ranma smiled as he finally took hold of the offered glass and brought it to his lips. He reared his head back, once more downing a "No-Chan Nuke" in one shot. He smacked his lips and mumbled, "Tasty..."

Wanting to get things moving along once more, Nabiki asked the Saotome Matriarch, "So... the Pink Kitty... Ranma has interest in it... perhaps... purchasing it?" If he did, that HAD to be Nodoka's idea. No way did that spineless—until pushed too far, as she found out recently—wimp would go out of his way to buy a strip club! Not that she would tell her 'clientele' that. Oh no, they paid for news, not complete honesty and full disclosure!

And why was she hearing Smurfs singing heavy metal?

"Purchase what now?" Ranma asked, as his sight finally returned ... and everything resembled a Noire film. He could even hear a cheesy saxophone in the background.

Nodoka just glared towards the side. Damn neighbor kids, couldn't carry a tune if they had a bucket. "Well, in this economy, it is always best to look into businesses that are recession-proof, as well as easily manageable, that will allow my son to develop a skill-set that will serve him well in years to come."

The fact he'd be nailing hot women and providing her a multitude of grandbabies was icing on the cake... really!

Nabiki considered the woman's words... and had to nod her head. "True... when people get depressed, they, most ironically, spend more on their personal vices to escape the real world... tobacco... alcohol... sex..." she tilted her head and raised her hand up. Good Kami-sama! Where did the Smurfs get a Snork Trumpet Band?

"Damn..." Ranma grumbled as he shook his head. Despite all the music, he realized the Neko-Ken had gotten pretty quiet. He hoped that he hadn't drowned the poor thing in alcohol.

Yep, now that it no longer scared him, now that it suffered as he had... he felt protective of that part of his psyche, like one would a favored pet or an abusive spouse via Stockholm Syndrome...

Shaking his head—and ignoring the sloshing sound he heard—the raven-haired martial artist sipped more of the drink. His mom expected him to run some place and learn a skill set! Why? Why couldn't people just accept he was a martial artist and leave it at that!? It was always, 'Ranma, get a job' or 'Ranma, study in school', and 'Ranma, put on this dress and dance the MIB song'.

Pausing in his thoughts, Ranma blinked his eyes once, twice. ...Where did I hear that last one from? he asked himself, sipping his drink.

Smirking, Nodoka finished several pitchers of her most banned illegal famous drinks, from her "No-Chan Nukes" to Sayoko's "Apocalypse Now Bombers". Oh yes! Someone was going to need to review some security footage tomorrow! Oh! Maybe she'd wind up with a new title this time again! Duchess of Sussex wasn't as glamorous as she thought it would be...

Finally Ranma shook his head before speaking. "Damn, mom..." he gasped out, trying to force his body to do what he tried to mentally command of it. "With all of these drinks yer makin'... why don't YOU want to work as my place's bar-tender?" If she was going to force him to be stuff he didn't want to be, he could try and push back some!

Smiling at her son's obvious and loving praise of her talent, the Saotome Matriarch calmly shook her head. "I'm sorry son... but this is really a skill YOU should be learning..." she rubbed her chin in thought before offering, "You know, my son... if you DID want help with picking out your staff and having someone be a 'mother superior' figure, someone to keep them in line... I MIGHT be interested..."

That way, she could look over these ladies for herself and know EXACTLY what kind of woman she was putting into her son's bed and therefore, what kind of grandbabies she could get!

"...Sure!" Ranma chirped, trying to turn slowly around and sit down in the hot tub—slow being the operative word, as he couldn't feel his other hand. Oddly enough, he could feel the finger tips.

Besides, if he was forced to do this, at least with her there, the Old Man wouldn't throw a fit, not if his mother expected him to be there. And with her there, maybe the fiancées would stay away too!

...Well, probably not... Nabiki would sell him out before they got out the front gate.

Man, I can't wait to sell him out as soon as I'm out the front gate, Nabiki thought with devious glee. She just needed to get some feeling back into her legs, pull out her cell-phone, call for a ride and then make more calls on the way back home.

Oh yes, Ranma was going to pay for her humiliation back in the bathroom. No one did that to her and got away with it—the fiancées would find out and then Ranma would never know a moment's piece again while she got a piece of the action from—

"Say, Nabiki," Nodoka spoke up, breaking the Middle Tendo Daughter's line of thought. "How would you feel about a job at my son's place if he offered it?"

"...Say what now?" the pigtailed martial artist asked, having caught his mother's words. "You want me to hire Nabiki!?"

Even the currently hallucinating Tendo reacted to that. Well, she tried, and ended up nearly busting her jaw on the side of the hot tub. Luckily, her body still had enough sense not to screw her over and stopped the slide.

But did she want to be working there? Ah hell, not like it'll be open that much longer after I sell his ass out. "Sure, Auntie," she spoke, her words slightly slurred as she tried to force herself standing against the edge again—she swore her breasts were drowning.

Nodoka just smiled as she attached the tray to the allotted place in the tub, and made her way to get into it. After all, a hot tub full of liquor just wasn't as much fun as one would think. The fact it put her between the alcohol and the teens where they'd have to reach over her heaving bust to get them was purely coincidental! "That's wonderful, Nabiki-chan," Nodoka said happily. "With you handling his accounts and finances, I'm sure that his club with be a success!"

Nabiki smirked. Ah yes, she could see it now... giving her direct access to the books? It sounded like a good time to try her hand at embezzlement. She was pretty sure that at least initially, she could make some big money... and then when the place failed when the Fiancée Brigade destroyed it, no one would be the wiser and wonder where all the money they DID take in went to.

"So I take it this means you'll be sleeping over tonight?" Nodoka asked. "I think you should come with us tomorrow to see the Pink Kitty for yourself. I'd like another woman's opinion on the place, such as if we should make any changes."

This time, it was Ranma's muscle memory that kept Nabiki from needing to dentures before Age 18.

*SQUISHY*!

It was also his luck the save ended up being mainly supported by Ranma using her right breast as a handhold in his arm bar.

"STAY THE NIGHT!?" both yelled, oddly both also noticing an echo. Granted, Ranma knew he was likely stuck with his mother all night—overall, it was just easier than arguing with her. But Nabiki!?

"Yes!" Nodoka replied, a big smile on her face. "Nabiki can stay the night!"

"...Mom..." Ranma said slowly. "I thought you said the only bed in the house was your own... and that it would be a tight fit with the two of us!"

Surprised that her son could remember that, despite the alcohol, Nodoka merely nodded and accepted such was a sign of how manly a man her son was. "Well, son, I may have misspoke. It's just that your bed hasn't been made yet, the special sheets I ordered came today, and with all the excitement, I haven't had time to fully make it ready." That and she'd had no time to store the sexual aids, attach the lube dispenser to the wall, or even polish the mirror above the bed! She just didn't want him to see it incomplete! "But my bed should just be roomy enough for us all to squeeze into!" Especially if the blankets just happened to be too small for them to do anything with and if she turned the air conditioner to 'balls blue due to frostbite' mode...

Nabiki just blinked, before looking down. Was Ranma's hand on her breast, or was she imagining it?

*SQUISHY*!

Nope, she wasn't imagining it... but why would he be groping onto HER breast?

Deciding to try and get things moving along once more so she wouldn't have to consider the insanity that kept popping up, the Middle Tendo Daughter asked, "Say, Nodoka... what made you choose the Pink Kitty of all places? I know there are more clubs out there... ones that are more popular... and don't have any bad... 'history' to them..."

"Yes, and that is why they would've cost more than they were worth," the Saotome Matriarch explained. "Because of the goings-on that happened at the Pink Kitty, I stood to get it at a very reasonable price! They'll even pay to clean up the blood stains and repair the bullet holes!"

Ranma just blinked his eyes as he considered what his mother said.

Blood stains?

Bullet holes?

"Whoa," the raven-haired youth muttered, pulling his arm back and incidentally causing Nabiki to lean into him, as she tried to finish off her first "No-Chan Nuke" and was failing miserably. "Was it a fight club or something?" he asked, starting to feel as if he were finally getting back to what mattered.

"...They had fights, yes," she offered, sitting down on Ranma's free side, and sliding close to him. True, those fights usually involved J-ello, pudding, and one time, Coolwhip... it was only the last day for the last incarnation of the club that involved guns, knives, a rubber chicken, and a possible RPG.

"Here you go, Son! Let Mama refill yours and Nabiki's glasses!"

"N-none for me, thanks..." Ranma mumbled slowly, trying to think of a polite way to tell her, 'for the love of the kami, no more!' Finally he went with, "I'm drivin'!"

At that comment, Nodoka smiled. "Speaking of which..." she said slowly. "Once we finish up seeing the establishment and getting it signed over... how about we head over to City Hall and have you signed up for a Driver's License?"

Despite her No-Chan Nuke... THAT made Nabiki sober up REAL fast. "You want to give Ranma a DRIVER'S LICENSE!?" she managed to yell, causing Ranma to wince as she did so right in his ear.

"Of course," the auburn-haired woman replied, waiting for the Middle Tendo to stop sliding against her son before refilling her glass, getting her son's on the way back. So cute that he didn't want to get smashed and not be able to achieve an erection!

That was why she was refilling their glasses not with No-Chan Nukes but "Blue Pill Bonanza"—she didn't just want to watch as the Tendo girl got rode. "And surely my son deserves a proper ID. Why, you need an ID in this day and age, especially since we'll need it for certain other licenses for the club!"

And should the need arise for a Marriage License, well... it was One-Stop-Shopping!

Looking at his glass, Ranma wondered for a moment why it was blue... but then felt GREAT relief as he realized he was seeing color again. "Okay, mom... sure... I'll get a license so I have a real ID... then I can own a club and drive and... do business things and... er... what else do I need it for?"

Seeing how her manly son was getting into the swing of things, Nodoka smiled with pride. "Oh, you can use it for lots of things, Ranma-honey. Such as applying for credit cards or even gambling!" Or marriage licenses or marriage annulments...

She had nothing against divorce—Kami-sama knew she was already planning her and Genma's. She also wanted the option available should Ranma's first wife proved not to be... "adequate"... and was stingy with making grandchildren!

Nabiki just sipped her drink, wondering why her seat—Ranma's thigh—seemed to have a pulse. Saotome... with a license to drive...

Immediately her mind was assaulted by images of Martial Arts Racing, Martial Arts Defensive Driving, Martial Arts Road Rage, Martial Arts Taxicab Driving...

Wait, that last one was already around...

Besides, when would Ranma drive? Hell, he'd never driven before, as far as she knew. He could already get across town faster than any vehicle. "Um, Nodoka," she started, before blinking, wondering why she kept on calling her by her first name instead of Aunty—and not being told otherwise. "Doesn't Ranma need to learn to drive first?"

The woman smiled with pride. "That's the thing... I have a friend who works as a City Clerk, one of Tokyo's paper-pushers... and he happens to owe me a couple of favors..." such as finding out he liked it 'in the back door' and she kept her silence since college. "He'll know identification is important and so he'll give my manly son a Driver's License... granted it's likely best for my son to learn to drive before he actually goes out with it, but the license IS important..."

Ranma was already considering the angles... Anything Goes Martial Arts Racing, Anything Goes Martial Arts Defensive Driving, Anything Goes Martial Arts Road Rage, Anything Goes Martial Arts Taxicab Driving...

Wait, that last one was already instituted... except when he participated, it had been with Rickshaws and him against Mousse.

"I wonder if I could create Anything Goes Martial Arts Go-Kart Racing..." he mumbled while he was at it, his drunken mind already wondering where he could pick up banana peels and turtle shells en masse...

And stars! Yes, don't forget the stars!

And where had his right arm gone? It just... blended in to a skin-tone wall with reddish-brown moss on the top... that now seemed so far away. Freaky!

Nodoka just paused a moment with trying to grab her son's left arm to put over her shoulders. Strip-club/Go-carts... could be something there... maybe add some ramen at the bar... YES! We could have a breakfast and lunch bar now! After all, sometimes, the best part of waking up, was a stripper serving you ramen in a cup!

With another money-making idea in the bank, the Saotome Matriarch finished putting her son's around her shoulders, allowing her to snuggle into his manly side, smiling gently as he seemed to gaze longingly at the Tendo girl's back.

"Man..." Ranma mumbled, as he tilted his head back. He blinked his eyes once, twice, not sure what he was looking at. Deciding to keep talking, or else he knew he'd fall asleep, he asked, "Hey... is that an awning or something?"

"...Whoops," Nodoka muttered, reaching over the side and hitting a button, causing the awning to unfold. "Yes, I had it installed a few weeks ago, after I... fell asleep and got sunburned."

"A few weeks?" Nabiki muttered, slowly turning around—maybe if she looked at them, those echoes would stop. Why did that seem to trigger something in her mind, a distant memory? "Oh!" she stated, finally getting the memory and being thankful that large spring in her seat was no longer poking her lower back. "So you probably didn't get to see Chopper 4 going down."

"...Yes, never saw it," Nodoka replied quietly. Such unmanly newsmen; one hot woman sunbathing nude in her hot tub, and they freak out and crash their news-copter into Tokyo Bay!

Still, it made her year, and she even bragged about it on her Facebook. Of course, then the government got involved, and made things worse. Now, how would she keep her girls naturally tanned?

"My manly son," Nodoka spoke up. "Perhaps you could turn the roof into a sunbathing area... set up a nice spot with an almost resort-like feel but with fencing around the perimeter, marking it as private property... emphasis on private..."

At that suggestion, Nabiki blinked her eyes. Even drunk her mind was out to make money. "Hey, that sounds guuuuud..." the Middle Tendo slurred. "Make a VIP club atop the club!" VIP meant people had to pay more money to experience it! More money in her pocket!

Considering what was said Nodoka nodded her head in agreement, as the middle Tendo was now facing them, her eyes slightly unfocused, her son's manly hand still groping her chest, having slid to the other side as Nabiki had turned. "Oh yes, all good clubs need a VIP area, and the girls would love a place to naturally sun themselves." Although, she might have to have some people look into making certain the roof could handle a pool.

You always sun near a pool, that was the first thing they taught girls in college... well, what she taught them, aside from how to spot a guy with an STD.

"Okay," Ranma admitted, not really sure what all was going on with his new Go-cart club, but a sunlit track sounded neat. He tried to take a sip of his drink—as well as ignore the technicolor fringe in his eyesight—but found his arm somewhat hampered by his mother. Still didn't stop him from bringing his drink closer, or forcing his mother's cheek to his own as he finished it off.

Nodoka smiled as her son gently nuzzled against her. "Yes, Ranma... you like that idea? A sunbathing area with a pool and cabana... oh, and here's an idea... put a bar up top and in the middle of the pool. People would have to swim up and forced to get some exercise AND stay within the legal limit unless they want to drown!"

"...Okay, mom," Ranma muttered, finishing his drink, a little dripping down the side of his lip.

Nodoka smirked as she turned his face slightly. "Missed a bit," she murmured, as she brought her tongue out, licking the slow-moving fluid, and finally meeting his lips, where her tongue forced them open to deliver the runaway liquor.

When their lips parted, Ranma blinked his eyes once, twice. "...Mom?" the pigtailed martial artist spoke, feeling her hand trace along his face.

Smiling, Nodoka replied, "Yes, my manly son?"

"Am I underneath the legal limit right now?" he asked in all seriousness.

Considering that for a moment, the Saotome Matriarch honestly replied, "Nope... I don't think so."

"...Didn't think so either..." and like that he passed out against his mother.

Nodoka smirked. Oh, her son was just SO silly sometimes. But she did know how to bring him out of it, even as she watched Nabiki continue to slowly sip her drink.

With her free hand, Nodoka trailed it down her son's chiseled chest, around his large package that she hoped to get better acquainted with in a bit, and over his large balls, to find her target, aim one finger, and—

"HELLO!" Ranma squeaked, very much alert, and looking around nervously.

At her son's VERY conscious state, the Saotome Matriarch smiled with pride. No one ever slept through the 'Old Wakeup Call'...

Except that one guy, but she didn't know he was dead.

"Welcome back to the world of the living, my manly son..." she said with a small, disarming grin. "Are you ready for another drink?"

Looking at his mother with a blurred gaze, the pigtailed youth didn't know how to reply to all the offers for more alcohol except what personal experience taught him. "You're not planning to bury me inside a mountain and seal the entrance with a boulder, are you?" From the stories the old men went on about, this sounded a lot like 'Step One' of their plan to get rid of 'the dreaded master' once and for all.

"No, my dear," Nodoka stated. She may have wanted him to herself but she wanted grandbabies even more! If she had to share him, she would!

Considering what Ranma has suggested, Nabiki hissed as she finished her own drink. It would have made it a lot easier to sell him to the other girls then. Seal and hide him away and just sell a map; not her fault if they couldn't read it right.

"Now, this one is called a 'Nookie Nova'," Nodoka stated, pouring each a new glass. This one had a bit of Blue Pill, a bit also fruit juice, a portion of energy drink, and a vitamin booster. Didn't mean it still couldn't start a farmer's tractor if needed. But she preferred her men to have more than just a bit of wood.

She liked them moving too... most of the time. I really need to see if I can still fit into my old dominatrix outfit tomorrow! That would be perfect for interviewing the girls in!

Despite better judgment, Ranma reared his head back and drank the alcoholic concoction his mother came up with... he turned green in the face slightly. Even though he already had a great tolerance to harmful carcinogens due to the Tomboy's toxic cooking, Ranma was starting to learn a basic truth.

Never mix alcohols.

"...Mama..." Ranma said slowly. "It is considered 'unmanly' to blow chunks?"

"Yes, my son," Nodoka stated. She was not going to buy new filters for it this early. Worse still, you could never really get that 'puked in' smell out ever... as a few former friends of hers could testify to!

"Tee-hee," Nabiki giggled. "Chunks."

Eyes narrowed, Nodoka knew she was reaching a line. Cross it, and her son wouldn't likely nail the Tendo girl tonight—her own fault for letting society teach him values instead—and thus wouldn't use her barely coherent form for a night of grand-baby-making, and thus would likely cut down on her own time.

Of course, it would also mean more time for herself to enjoy her son.

I hate impossible choices! she mentally cried.

Deciding on discretion being the better part of valor—and the fact she might need to ease her son a bit more into tapping his mother's fine ass—Nodoka made the hard choice to give the Tendo girl fruit juice the rest of the night... or until the girl had been taken once.

After that, let the girl sleep it off. Nodoka was going for an all-nighter... just like in college, just without Ikuko complaining that she couldn't sleep with their yells of passion and the bed shaking.


	5. Chapter 5

Stop & Find - Money: Crysis at the Core of the Universe! [Episode 248095]

by Red Priest of the 17th Order

According to the Norse mythology of Earth, Yggdrasil was an immense tree that was the focal-point of Norse cosmology; it was the world tree, and around the tree existed the nine worlds. However, in truth, Yggdrasil was the Computer Main-Frame of the Goddess Relief Agency, a Celestial Group designated to bring happiness to the people of Earth, especially those with great virtue but terrible misfortune. In most scenarios—yes we mean most, so shut up about Keiichi Morisato already—a goddess appears before one that the system has deemed worthy and grants him or her one wish. The wish must then be approved by the Yggdrasil system, after which a contract would be created between the human and the goddess and stored on the Yggdrasil system as a file. The wish contract file would then further protected by a pass-code known to the co-signing goddess.

However... there are those who would use Yggdrasil for purposes not necessarily intended... and before you go on about the horrors of what horrors could be committed, one should know the security around the main-frame was top-notch, so an evil influence through it was a very rare freak occurrence if anything.

Now, as for a bored workers with too much downtime? Such 'misuses' were sadly not so uncommon...

Walking back into the Main Office of Yggrdrasil with a fresh pot of coffee, Goddess First Class, Secondary Category, Unlimited License paused as she heard the noises of... Gun Fire? Explosions? Screams of terror... and what sounded like fifteen year old boys speaking some language that was familiar... maybe 'Noob'?

Turning her head to the one screen currently on and what looked like a FPS running, Peorth scowled as she stared at the back of the Goddess Second Class, Management, Limited License. "UUUURRRD!"

Urd jumped in her seat and quickly turned her chair swivel chair to face the other goddess. "By Father, Peorth! What!?"

"What is..." the Rose Goddess started, only to trail off as a realization occurred due to what monitor was on. "Wait a second! What is THAT thing and are you playing it on Yggdrasil!?" the goddess demanded to know, pointing to the offending screen.

A sweat-drop trailing down the side of her head, the mocha-skinned Norn asked, "Uh, it's a game... what's it look like?"

Glaring daggers at the other goddess, Peorth demanded to know, "What game?" While it didn't look like any of the woman's H-Games, the fact she was using Yggdrasil to play it was very vexing.

"...Crysis 3?" Urd answered, more as a question than an answer.

The more serious goddess slowly raised an eyebrow. "And you're playing it on the main-frame for the goddess wish-system because...?"

Sighing, the Norn of the Past realized she was going to have to come clean. "Simple. I tried it on Keiichi's computer and it blew up big time." She meant that quite literally too. She hoped he didn't notice that lump of smoldering burn plastic where his PC tower used to be.

Peorth's glare didn't let up any. "How does that justify playing it here?"

Urd stared at the Goddess of Roses and Categorization as if she'd grown a second head. "Don't you know anything about the Crysis series?"

"I don't play games," Peorth firmly answered, takes a long swig of coffee directly from the pot. A shiver going up her spine as she got her caffeine fix, the Goddess First demanded, "Now explain!"

"This series is notorious for graphics and gameplay excellence!" Urd proclaimed, simply aghast that Peorth was this clueless! "Most computers trying to run it on super-high settings go boom! Even Skuld had to do a master mac-custom job on her set up to play it!"

Staring at the Norn, the Goddess questioned, "And why aren't you playing this on HER system?"

"Because she's using it, DUH!" The daughter of the Almighty and Hild shouted. She then became a bit sheepish as the other goddess' glare intensified. Trying to justify herself, she quickly mumbled in one breath, "SoIsortacameherebecauseIvolunteeredashift..."

Hearing the sound of an explosion, Urd turned back to the screen. Her eyes widened and she practically felt her heart crash inside her chest. "NOOOOOO!" she wailed in horror. "Damn it! Skuld got me! Freaking rocket from up high!" She took a deep breath and shouted, "You little bitch!"

"URD! FOCUS!" Peorth snapped. "And don't call children 'bitch'! That is so wrong on many levels!"

And then from the speakers came from the mouth of babes, "HA! SUCK IT, URD!"

Eyes going wide, Peorth was aghast. "...Was that Skuld's voice?"

Nodding her head in affirmative, the Norn of the Past was about to speak but was cut off from saying anything else as her younger sister shouted over the speakers, "HA! BLEW YOU UP GOOD, DIDN'T I, YOU STUPID BITCH? BLEW YOU LIKE YOU DO DAD'S DICK, ISN'T THAT RIGHT YOU COCK-SUCKING WHORE!?"

Her jaw dropping, Peorth released her pot of coffee, the large glass container shattering as it hit the floor, sending the steaming brown liquid spreading upon impact. The Goddess First Class, Unlimited was beyond words with that...

Realizing that this was likely to come down on her head, the Norn of the Past tried to tell the Norn of the Future, "Uh Skuld?"

"What's wrong, Urd?" came a haughty voice. "Are you too speechless from the awesome pwning I handed your sorry ass?"

"No... it's just Peorth heard your stream of obscenities," Urd replied, smiling a little at her fellow goddess' shocked cry. "Say a few more syllables, Skuld! I guess she still thinks your potty mouth is cherry."

Finally, after a long moment of silence, the younger goddess asked, "...Peorth heard me?"

A devious smiled came across the mocha-skinned half-goddess/half-demoness' face. "Yep! Oh, and Skuld... look to your right." Urd watched with glee as she used her in-game character to drive an APC right into Skuld's character with an audible 'splat'.

"NO! YOU BITCH! MY KILL-STREAK!"

"Well that's your own fault!" the most devious of the Norns crowed with delight. "You shouldn't have stood out in the open! Even with armor mode on, you can't survive a head-on-collision, Jailbait!" Urd laughed triumphantly as her sister shrieked over the speakers. She knew how much Skuld hated that nickname and LOVED to dig it into her whenever she could!

Watching on Urd's screen how her Armored Personal Carrier turned the soldier Skuld was playing into a very realistic representation of Road Kill, Peorth was finally able to find her voice. "...Nuts... you're all nuts..."

"Chock fulla nuts, like that heavenly coffee..." Urd admitted. "Which is currently all over the floor."

Looking down, all the Goddess could wail was, "MY FOLGERS!"

"Yep! You made the mess, so you clean it! As for me, I got a kill-score to restore!" Urd stated happily as she continued to play. Her eyes widened as she realized what was going on. "Uh-oh! Abandon car!" She shouted as on-screen, her character bail out of the APC as it started to smoke. "I see you, maximum strength punch!" She laughed as her nano-soldier struck her opponent so hard he went flying. "It's good to be the—NO! Oh nononononooooo! Skuld! You little cunt! How dare you cloak and stealth kill me!?"

"Payback's a bitch, sis!" was Skuld's reply. "A mother-fucking bitch even!"

Peorth twitched. Just what was it with goddesses nowadays? Had they no sense of work ethic? Had they no shame!?

Shaking her head in disgust as the obscenities continued to fly back and forth between the two sisters, Peorth decided maybe it would be better if she just cleaned up the coffee and got to work. Still, I better check on the Yggdrasil system and see how it's doing...

So, with that thought in mind, the black-haired goddess took a seat at one of the consoles and tried to boot it up... and frowned as it took a solid minute for it to come up. "Odd... usually it's two seconds or less... I mean, this is all reality, not Windows Vista..."

When her screen came up in full, Peorth stared at all the frozen progress bars for Wish Statuses. Some were at ten percent and not one was higher than fifty percent. "What the heck is going on?" Bringing up her 'My Yggdrasil' Icon, the Rose Goddess saw that the computer of the Universe itself... WAS ONLY RUNNING ON FOURTEEN-PERCENT PROCESSING POWER!

"Where the hell is the rest of it!?" she shouted as she tried to find the source... due to the slow speeds she was forced to work with, it took her fourteen minutes to find that bandwidth and processor power were being redirected from the system proper to a file program listed under, "Crysis_03".

"...UUUURRRRRRD!"

Dropping her game controller, Urd's eyes widened. "Oh crap... Skuld! The jig is up!"

"Oh crap!" came the cry of the younger goddess over the speakers. "She found the program I rigged so we could use Yggdrasil's superior system for the game and our online matches, didn't she?"

Sighing, all the Norn could reply was "Yep."

"...I'm gone!" and just like that, the screen then read a caption bar, [Player MechaGoddess42 has left the game] at the bottom of the screen.

The eldest of the Norn's left eye twitched as her youngest sibling abandoned her. "Oh, you back-stabbing cockbite..." Urd muttered. She didn't get long to curse out the girl because—as she expected she would—she suddenly felt an aura of vengeance and hate behind her. Without turning around, Urd replied, "I know you're generating that aura of killing intent with fiery red colors and it's also likely your hair is flying up... but Peorth, can we just get this over with?"

"DO YOU REALIZE WHAT YOU'VE BEEN DOING!?" the Norse Goddess of Roses and Nature roared with the vengeance of a goddess—particularly a Greek—crossed and burned. "YOUR GAME COULD'VE DESTROYED ALL REALITY!"

Beads of sweat pouring down the sides of her head, the Norn of the Past finally turmed about and held her hands up in a warding motion. "Oh, c-c'mon, Peorth..." she stuttered, inwardly cursing herself for not keeping her cool. "It's just a little harmless gaming. What could it do to Yggdra—"

*WHOOP*!

"CYNTAX ERROR 404!"

*WHOOP*!

"CYNTAX ERROR 404!"

*WHOOP*!

"CYNTAX ERROR 404!"

*WHOOP*!

"CYNTAX ERROR 404!"

*WHOOP*!

"...Uh... is that bad?" Urd asked helplessly.

Twitching as red emergency lights began flashing and the sirens started going off, Peorth glared hatefully at the other goddess as she replied in an icy tone, "Yes. Yes it is." She pushed Urd off the swivel-recliner and sat down at the console the Goddess Second Class has been using for her gaming and went through a few protocols and schematics. In a few minutes, the lights went back to normal and the emergency sirens stopped.

Impressed that Peorth had stopped everything so quickly, Urd asked, "What did you do?"

"You mean besides shut off your game?" the woman snorted. "I told Yggdrasil to uninstall it, freeing up the processing power." She turned the chair to face the Norn, once more glaring at Urd. "Even with these graphic and processing requirements... how could a single human-designed game use all that power!?"

Urd knew lying wouldn't help her—in fact, it would likely piss the Goddess First Class off more—so she went for the truth. "Skuld came up with a program to allow us to run the game from Yggdrasil, allowing maximum settings for single player, co-op and multiplayer. That way, she could play from her set up, I'd play here, and no system crashes, no frame-rate loss..." she sighed blissfully. "I used to curse Skuld for getting me into video games but wow... it's as sweet as sweet could be!"

"Yay, wow, happy for you..." Peorth deadpanned sarcastically while rubbing the right side of her face. "In any case... now we need to see just what protocols got jammed up..." she mumbled as she began typing. "So how long did you play?"

Taking a moment to mentally count, Urd finally replied, "I did single player, even with Skuld and two more co-op buddies... I'd say it was a fifteen-hour deal—that includes breaks. Then we hit the multiplayer and been rocking since... so about twenty-four hours now?"

The First Class Goddess just stared at the Second Class Pain in the Ass Goddess for a solid two minutes. "...You let Yggdrasil run at barely half capacity for twenty-four hours!?"

"No I didn't!" Urd said seriously. As Peorth started to relax it was a sheepish Norn that admitted, "It was barely working at a quarter of its usual speed." As a fiery aura sprang forth from around Peorth once more, Urd feebly tried, "Uh... it made the game really sweet?"

Glowing like a paper lantern at a festival, Peorth's eye right eye twitched uncontrollably. How irresponsible! Using such a powerful piece of computing divine magical technology just so a game could be played at maximum setting to spread locations, enhance the graphics, prevent frame-rate drop and smooth as silk internet connection and speed...

As Peorth considered such, she nodded her head slowly. Okay, for a gaming geek, the crime would be worth it but they were lucky the universe didn't implode! "I swear to Father, Urd..." the Norse goddess growled. "If anything went wrong, I'll..." she trailed off and frowned deeper.

As an intense look came over the Rose Goddess' face as she glared at the Yggdrasil console screen, Urd could only ask, "What?"

"...I found out what error set off the alarm," Peorth replied in all seriousness. "A bunch of parentless and abandoned children made a heartfelt wish that the orphanage they live in wouldn't be foreclosed... the system okayed the wish and was in the process of transferring the required funds... UNTIL YOU TURNED ON YOUR GAME!"

THAT made Urd wince. Orphans? Okay, that was something that could get through to her. "C-can't you just... you know? You're a Moderator of the System! Just physically put in the command to send money to the kids!"

"I intend to," Peorth replied, typing away at the hovering keyboard to get the wish re-submitted. "But that's just it. The kids do still need that money, having never received it... but the system shows here that said wish WAS processed!"

Realizing now that said wish had been granted but not given, Urd knew this meant some leg-work could be involved. "So? Can't we just track the money?"

Peorth glared daggers at her. "Yes, of course we can. But if I knew about this, say fifteen hours ago at least, I could have instantly tracked the money! However, it's been in Midgard long enough that the residual magical energy of the wish that conjured it has started to dilute into the background! Meaning from here on out, tracking it becomes very, very difficult!"

"...Wow..." Urd said with a wince. "That sucks..."

Nodding her head, Peorth agreed, "Yes, that does suck... for you."

"ME!?" Urd shouted.

Nodding her head once more, Peorth explained to the Norn of the Past, "Well, you lost it! You find it! I don't have the time to try and look for it! I have to fix any problems you caused the system AND I still need to clean up the mess I made with the coffee because that hellion sister of yours mouth!" She shuddered. "And believe me! I will be telling Belldandy about Skuld's filthy little pie-hole!"

Her skin paling a little, Urd cried, "HEY! You can't pin that on me!"

Peorth's grin became rather devious and evil for a goddess. "Oh? Can't I?"

"She was into gaming and trashing 'Noob Speak' before I got into it!" the eldest of the Norns wailed. It was she whom learned it FROM Skuld!

Smirking, the Norse goddess retorted, "You encouraged it, no doubt."

Urd twitched. "...Okay, I concede to that, but—"

"Find the money... and I might just leave out to Belldandy that Skuld's mouth isn't so 'cherry', as you put it," was the Goddess First Class' ultimatum. "Otherwise not even one of mom's Apples of Immortality will save your sorry butt once Belldandy is through with you."

Whimpering in defeat, Urd pleaded, "Can I at least get some help tracking the trail?"

Nodding her head, the older Goddess replied, "Sure. Go to the main cabinet and open the top drawer. We have a device just for that. Now, chop-chop! Time is of the essence! A lot of money was sent and I do NOT want to think of what could have happened if it fell into the wrong hands!"

"Uh yeah... bad thing," Urd agreed, although she was still more worried about her own fate than that of some misplaced cash. "So what about conjuring more money for the orphans?"

The woman turned her attention back to the Yggrasil computer screen, typing away. Without even looking back, she explained to the Norn, "That is something that can be done, but it won't be easy. I'll have to bypass certain security systems and get permission from the top since duplicating wishes is not usually allowed. So find that money! The heat will be less on all of us."

Gulping nervously, Urd cautiously inquired, "And suppose the money is already in bad hands?"

The Rose Goddess smirked. "Then I hope you like being under house arrest, your powers severely limited... and I'll tell Belldandy plenty to make sure her position as your warden is... icy at best."

Urd straightened up where she stood considerably. "GOTTAGOANDTRACKTHEMONEYSEEYOULATER!" the Goddess screamed out in one breath as she literally picked up the entire cabinet and rushed off.

"...At least I can see she'll take her search seriously..." Peorth mumbled to herself as she went back to typing. It looked like she was in for an all-nighter...


	6. Chapter 6

Stop & Find - Money: Wake Me Up Before You Blow, Blow... (LIME) [Episode 248098]

by Red Priest of the 17th Order

With the sun rising once more over the island nation of Japan, it was the start of a brand new day. A new day was often the promise of new chances and new things to come, to put the past behind one and to get things going again on the right foot.

For others, it was a horrendous reminder that they were still alive. Sunlight flicking through the space between the window frame and the closed shades, it was also the bane of existence for anyone suffering a hangover, which was exactly what was going on in the mind of one pigtailed martial artist tortured by the damnable sunbeam.

Ranma groaned, being forced out of the state of sleep, sunlight forcefully dragging him kicking and screaming out of a comatose state and back into a world of jackhammering pain. Bad enough his dreams had been odd to say the least—not to mention the whining of the Neko-Ken as he also oddly had to keep it from ending its own life several times.

An odd thought entered his sluggish and tortured mind at that moment: why had the inner-cat not scared caused any ill feelings?

Hmm, perhaps being drunk makes it easier to handle... may have to look into that... if I can avoid feeling like this!

OW! OW! OWOWOWOWOWWW!

When hung over, never yell in your own head.

Clenching his eyes shut and hissing through his teeth to try and cope with the pain, Ranma moved both his hands up to his face, pressing his palms to his eye sockets. His brain throbbed painfully—it felt like it was trying to force his poor eyeballs out past the lids. "F-fuckin'... hate... my life..." he grumbled as he tried to get ahold of his own alcoholic failings.

If he realized where he was he would had mentioned how he REALLY hated his life, possibly going beyond the F-Word.

Realizing that death would not yet take him—lousy Death, always trying to take him on good days, but when he was ready to embrace the sweet peace of the afterlife, asshole never showed—Ranma let out a calming sigh and attempted to get up... or at least make it to the furo and drown peacefully in hot water.

Attempted would be the proper word, as he found himself weighed down by something.

" Mmmmmm..."

"Uuuuuuuugh..."

...Make that 'two somethings'...

Yes, Death was one badass mother-fucker... who knew when not to risk his own boney ass when Hell was about to strike.

Afterlife didn't take no Obamacare!

Eyes opening, the pieces of last night slowly started to come into place, filtering the hazy memories to the forefront of his mind ever so slowly but the fact was it was something that he realized if he ever remembered fully... he might go into a state of "Nodoka-Ken" and never return from...

Nyaaaooo... was the pitiful cry of the Neko-Ken. Poor thing was now living on the streets of Ranma's mental scape, the city of the pigtailed martial artist's mind having been taken over by invasive, cackling Mental Nodokas.

The horror... the horror...

To his right—with a smile that seemed wrong in so many ways aside from the fact that no one should be smiling like that next to someone so hung-over—was his mother.

And if his body wasn't lying to him... she was naked.

This... is so wrong on so many—HEY! Give me that rope!

Nyaooo!

If I have to live through this, so do yo~OW! OW! OWOWOWOWOWOOOWWWWIIIEES!

Once again, yelling, bad.

Taking a minute to calm himself—and another two to keep whatever substance inside his stomach there—he turned towards the other source of sound... laying right on top of him.

Also naked.

Nabiki.

NYAO!

HEY! I NEED THIS ROPE MORE THAN YOU!

HISS! the Neko-Ken replied back, now in a mental tug of war with Ranma over the line of mental synapsis that were to be used to hang oneself.

Ranma furrowed his eyebrows, doing his best to force his former mental anguish to give up and allow him to mentally commit suicide... only to pause and then go wide-eyed as he felt something grabbing his crotch. Please don't be mom, please don't be mom, please don't be mom!

He didn't know whether to be relieved or horrified that it was the middle Tendo.

As she came to, trying to ignore the sensation of her stomach doing backflips, Nabiki fought off an odd feeling. It was a feeling as if she did something very wrong.

Did I do something for free? she asked herself. Had it be it! What else would she have ever done that would make her feel like she just got an audit from the government?

Opening her eyes... she discovered something worse than that. "Saotome?"

"Um... yeah..." he smiled nervously and waved at her. "Good morning?"

"..." she paused, her face taking on a green undertone as what she may have done hit her.

And from there, it hit Saotome.

"BWWAAAAAAAAARRRRF!"

"AAAUUUGH!" Ranma screamed as the Middle Tendo let loose her discourse over him. He was so disgusted, he barely registered the sensation akin to that of railroad spikes being driven into his skull.

More used to such quantities of alcohol, Nodoka was merely shocked awake by this action while still somehow sober. "Wuh-what's going—KAMI-SAMA! MY SHEETS! THEY'RE PRADA SHEETS!"

Ranma whimpered and wondered if there was such a thing as the 'Vomitto-Ken'. The kami knew this was certainly horrifying enough!

"Nabiki, while being new to drinking is something I can understand, there's simply no excuse for you to have vomitted your discourse all over my manly son, myself and especially my SHEETS!" Nodoka chided from her place in the furo as tried to relax and get over the soiled feeling the young Tendo woman had forced upon her. "Honestly, such isn't proper... OR considerate, especially when you take into account all the pleasure my son and I gave you yesterday!"

Nabiki just sat on her stool, trying to keep from losing any more bodily fluids from her mouth once again.

"And I was so considerate to help my manly son with the arts of pleasing a woman while you were recovering from your first time... though I do wonder why it seemed like you were so stressed out," the Saotome Matriarch continued.

Nabiki's eyes slowly panned the bathing area. A razor blade... there had to be one!

"And I did thank you for hinting to me that I should have him consider it like martial arts—same as his father in that way, I guess. But Genma never picked it up that quickly... or well..."

Could she just drop back from her seat and crack her skull open now?

After a moment, the middle Tendo daughter decided, yes, yes she could. A smile on her face, Nabiki let go of the bathing bench and fell back, prepared to see her mother again...

...Until Ranma caught her. "Damn it, Saotome! Must you ruin my life more!?"

"If I have to live through this, I'm dragging you down with me," Ranma promised her as he sat the brunette woman back up. He then went back to the shower-head he was using, the body-wash doing nothing to help him feel 'clean'. "I say you owe me for what you did, Nabiki..." he said seriously.

Yes, normally talking back to her was suicide... but Ranma was both hung-over, a tad suicidal, and most of all PISSED! So it was understandable how his normal fear of her would be ebbed at the moment.

"Very true," Nodoka stated. "Not many families are as close as ours. And you certainly seemed to enjoy riding my manly son!" Nodoka cooed.

Of course, the auburn-tressed woman preferred her ride more. Damn it! Her pipes had never been so clean! Not even after that one night in college with...

With...

Hmm... was it that time with the chocolate person American basketball player with the really nice sneakers named after him, or that band guy who painted his face, wore black leather and had that REALLY nice long tongue?

Damn it! Now she was going to have to check her scrapbook! This was going to be bugging her until she found out!

Nabiki glared at Ranma who glared back. After a few minutes of this, she finally relented as she went back to cleaning up. "Sorry for puking on all of you..." was her mumbled apology.

"No, no need to apologize," the Saotome Matriarch replied, somewhat distracted by her thoughts—Maybe it was that chocolate person American football player with the name that sounded like a breakfast drink—as she continued, "I just felt you should have a greater alcohol tolerance. You ARE a daughter of Soun Tendo and that man can really pack 'em away. I didn't think his children would be such lightweight pansies when it came to holding their liquor."

Her washcloth pausing, Nabiki slowly turned to face the bane of her existence—now ahead of Ranma by a seven-point-six percent poling with plus or minus three percent error. If looks could kill...

Well, Nabiki knew she'd be dead first from how she looked... but Nodoka would be dead too! "I am not a lightweight," she growled out.

"My manly son held it in," Nodoka responded flippantly.

The middle Tendo daughter gave the older woman a dull gaze. "He can eat my younger sister's cooking and not need any organs replaced; he could survive alcohol poisoning!"

While not one to insult his mother OR to stick up for Nabiki... Ranma's pride always had to step up to plate when praise was available. "She's got a point, mom. Akane's cooking is pure toxic waste. People from both the Japanese Nuclear Safety Commission AND the JDSF stopped by once when her tuna casserole set off their Geiger Counters. They were kind enough to supply us with biohazard and radioactive marked Tupperware. Akane's cooking is complete and utter death."

While she had to agree with him—and was thankful for said plastic/lead composite containers—Nabiki made a mental note to tell Akane what Ranma told his mother about her cooking... that should get her SOME satisfaction over the humiliations she'd suffered over the past 24-Hours.

She'd like to do more... but even she had enough self-preservation to realize what the fiancées would do if Ranma let it slip that not only was he now cherry-free, but who he lost it to.

Hmmm... time to work on a false trail. She hadn't seen Natsume and Kurumi in a while, she could blame them. Like they were around to call her on it!

"Maybe so," Nodoka offered, being gentle while scrubbing her privates—they hurt SO good! "But you should be able to hold it better and not vomit your drinks onto your two lovers."

"Lovers!?" the teens squeaked together.

Nodoka nodded. "Yes, you two went at it quite a bit last night, even with your dutiful mother helping pass the time for you as she recovered. Truly, my manly son it too manly for just one woman: even one woman and a barely experienced teen who obviously wasn't exploring her hormones properly with my son."

Nabiki would be highly insulted if it wasn't for the fact that Nodoka dropped the comment that the two of them had fucked her as well... yes, Ranma had fucked his mother... and it's likely the woman took advantage of her too.

Funny. Of all us Tendos, I always thought Akane would be the one to end up having sex with another woman... was the ironic thought in her mind.

Ranma meanwhile, was now picking up the Middle Tendo's earlier crusade of scanning the bathroom with his eyes for a razor so he could end it all. Seppuku HAD to be better than this reality!

"But do hurry," Nodoka continued, preparing to finish rinsing herself off in the lesser tub and settle into the soaking furo. "We have an appointment today to check out the property we bought, my son. We need to figure out how much we may need to have repaired, on top of what the previous owners have promised. Oh, I hope they finally removed that snitch's body from the foundation; he was such a sad little ghost with such poor pickup lines."

I'm in hell. Ranma considered as he twitched. Lucky bastard ghost! At least it was dead!

Walking down the side-walk, Ranma tugged at the collar of the suit his mother bought him. Granted, he had to go clothes-shopping wearing one of his mother's kimonos and while he was MUCH happier to be in anything but that thing... WHY did she have to buy him a suit of all things!?

"The collar's tight. These pants and jacket restrict my movements. These shoes have no bend for my feet," the pigtailed martial artist complained, listing off all the things he felt were wrong with how he was dressed as he kept pace with his mother and Nabiki.

"What are you complaining about?" the most mercenary of the Tendo daughters grumbled, wrapped in a tight kimono... and nothing else. What underwear Nodoka had bought for Ranma was too small for the middle Tendo... and the bra was too large.

She now understood why Akane kept hitting Saotome; it was SO unfair that a cursed boy had a better figure than her own!

Auntie's were too big—like hell she was going to say that out loud to said woman. She liked her spine connected, thank you!

What happened to the bra and panties she wore yesterday you ask? Well, guess what Mother Superior Psycho mopped up some of the vomit with?

Ranma sighed as his mother ignored his valid complaints as to how he was dressed would mess with his ability to perform the Art, the woman just humming happily. "...Mom?" he questioned aloud to get her attention.

"Oh, don't worry, my manly son," the woman finally responded to him. "You are just dressed properly as a manly man should be..." and when he owned the place, she would get him another... in purple... with fur trim! After all, nothing spoke of pure sexiness and power more than a man wearing the skins of endangered animals!

But damn it, the place she got platform shoes with goldfish in them closed down last decade! Damn economy! Damn housing bubble! Damn piss-poor banking reform! Damn... um... polar bears!

Damm! I need to work on my rants... never had this issue when I was in school, Nodoka lamented. Although she did enjoy the thrill of her own tight kimono... and going commando! Why, she felt she was back in junior high again... without the police escort and the ankle-monitor her father forced her to wear, claiming it was a court-order.

The trio continued to make their way through the throngs of people and city streets. As they did, Ranma frowned when they crossed over into a section of city he'd never been before, the quality of the surroundings changing considerably... not that the buildings were in any major state of disrepair but they were shorter now... and there was a lot more... 'unsavory' aspects that surrounded them. "Mom? Just where is this 732 Nekomimi Boulevard?"

"Why, the Red Light District of Tokyo, where else?" Nodoka replied happily as she made her way through the area, taking notice of the stares they were getting and somewhat disappointed as the men that raised their heads weren't what she'd consider manly...

...But at least the skanky womanly women knew a prize when they saw one as they paid attention to her finely dressed, manly son!

Despite the fact she planned to soon own his soul and pimp him out however she pleased, Nabiki found herself moving closer to Ranma. She wanted to be the Pimp, not the pimped!

That and she recognized a few of the women nearby as those who 'upset' her before her first year at Furinkan, when the local middle-school took a tour of the local high schools.

The middle Tendo realized she might consider revisiting more pain, as she watched one of them flick a switchblade several times while staring at her. She didn't realize why they were so upset; they should be happy! Look at all the weight they lost!

"This is another reason we are investing here, my son," Nodoka continued, as Ranma looked about for red lights. "With a stable business in the area, when can revitalize this neighborhood to beyond what it was like in its Golden Age!" Back when lonely business men were as free with their money as the world economy was strong!

Ranma blinked his eyes once, twice. Wow, the way his mother talked, it sounded like that the fate of the world rested on his shoulders with him becoming a successful business owner.

Coming to a stop in front of a building and Nodoka calling, "We're here!" Ranma raised his head and realized, Yep. We're doomed. Doomed, doomed, doomed...

He looked up at the two-story building with a huge sign up on the roof that said, "The Pink Kitty". Between the words 'Pink' and 'Kitty' was the image of a pink-furred, redheaded Cosplay-style Catgirl. All the lights that bordered the sign were off and even a few bulbs busted. The front looked almost tie-dyed and looked like something his mother said his grandmother was into.

"...You sure this is the place?" he questioned his mother. "I don't see a 'For Sale' sign at all." Although there were faded signs at either side of the entrance that read 'Girls' over and over and one of 'Live Nudes'.

Ranma could only ask two questions from reading those signs, aside from the missing sign advertising it's sale: what were nudes—he knew what being nude was, but what did 'nudes' mean—and why did it have them constantly mentioning girls? Maybe the signs once held coupons for them to get stuff for less money?

Oh! Maybe they were for ice-cream! And damn his luck, no coupons left! Truly, this neighborhood had seen better times.

And where would they get ice cream around here? he asked himself, looking about. Not one ice-cream store. In fact, the only place open nearby was a corner store showing a Vin Diesel movie, XXX.

"Oh, this is it, Ranma, I'm sure of it," Nodoka said firmly as she stepped forward. She paused in the open doorway as her son and Nabiki stood outside. Her son bearing a confused look while the Middle Tendo Daughter seemed... horrified? Uneasy at the very least. "Are you all right, Nabiki? If you think you're going to puke again, please head around back. We'll wait inside for you."

"...It's not that..." Nabiki said slowly as she looked up at the sign. Kami-sama! Of all the Strip Clubs Nodoka could have been so intent on purchasing and making Ranma run... she had to choose THIS one!?

Slowly lowering her eyes, she stared at Nodoka. Was this a hint that she knew Nabiki's own relationship with this place, a subtle threat to...

Oh, who was she kidding? Nodoka never did anything subtle. Hell, this was the woman who gave each Tendo daughter and 'cousin Ranko' a coupon for a free total waxing at a nearby salon, while going off on how no man liked hair in what he ate.

She was as subtle as much as Ranma was a 'master of disguise'.

Starting to become impatient, the woman asked, "Well?"

"Okay, fine, I'm coming in..." Ranma replied, walking up to the entrance. He looked to his mother and told her, "But if we end up buying this place... we're also selling ice-cream!" his tone brooked no room for argument. This was important to him, kami-damn it!

Nodoka just blinked her eyes in surprise at her son's forceful attitude. Ice-cream... hmm... might be too cold for people to eat off a stripper... but maybe it was her son's vision to also sell food!

Excellent! He understood that patrons too full to waddle away would be forced to spend their hard earned Yen at the club! A hungry patron might leave! A full patron would drink and spend more!

HER MANLY SON DID HAVE SOME BUSINESS SENSE!

Plus-One for her genes, another Minus-One for Genma's—yes, she WAS keeping score. Perhaps her son was like Anakin Skywalker, and her womanly womb simply created the perfect son!

"Now where is that sales agent," Nodoka murmured, hoping the door simply hadn't been left unlocked since the police removed their tape. Why, there'd simply be no pipes left in the building, and they might have former investment squatters living there!

The Saotome Matriarch blinked her eyes as male voice spoke up from behind her. "Hello... may I be of help to you?" She turned about and caught sight of a short elderly man with a cap on his head, ears that stuck out at the sides of his head—yet also served to help hold his glasses in place—and had a rather bushy white mustache and matching eyebrows.

"Hello..." she greeted back. She was about to tell him to stop squatting on her rightful property but stopped when she realized he was wearing the red blazer uniform of a Takahashi Realty Agent. "Oh! Hello. I'm sorry, but I don't know who you are; I was expecting Megumi."

"Oh, the young lady couldn't come today—she said she'd rather die than step foot within this portion of the district—so she sent me to cover the tour and business end in her stead." He smiled and nodded his head before he held out a hand to her in a Western greeting. "I'm Toramasa Kobayakawa. Pleased to meet you."

"Kobayakawa!" both Ranma and Nabiki said in sync, with the pigtailed martial artist continuing with, "You're the crazy guy that runs the school store!" He frowned as he also remembered, "And the jerk that sold Kuno that damned Phoenix Egg!"

The elderly man nodded his head. "Yes, I dealt with magical curiosities... if you believe in that sort of thing."

"And didn't you work as a ticket taker at the Cursed Tunnel of Lost Love?" he asked.

Shaking his head, the man answered, "No. That was my brother... if–"

"If you say anything about asking if I believe in that sort of thing, I will hurt you," the pigtailed martial artist threatened.

"...If you believe my mother," the elderly man finished quickly.

Ranma stared at the old man with an annoyed gaze. "Say, what're you doing outside of the basement anyway? Don't you have a school store or an antique shop you should be runnin'?" he asked, wanting an answer for why people that could ruin his life kept butting into it.

"Funny you should mention that..." the old man said, adjusting his glasses. "Both businesses went bust... if you can believe that sort of economic nonsense..."

"Actually, I can," the mercenary Tendo daughter piped up. "Your antique shop was set up kilometers outside of modernized civilization and you hid the school store in the basement, inside the middle of a maze!"

"...True," the man muttered. Last time he let his idiotic brother purchase and set up a shop. Damn his mother for saying his brother could handle such a simple task.

And damn the Japanese National Tax Agency for refusing to let him take those losses during his filing. Why was it so hard to believe those shops were set up like that!?

"Anyway, I have a better position now," he offered.

Nabiki narrowed her eyes. "Where's your office?" she asked.

"...Moving on," the man stated, moving towards Nodoka. "Mrs. Saotome, any questions before we begin?"

"Actually, there are," the Saotome Matriarch answered as she looked the shorter man over. "Part of the deal was that there would be a clean up... do you think that is the best route to take or should we broker to simply have an amount of money given to us to aide in payment of carpenter and other construction-worker services..." she looked at the wall that looked like it had been riddled with semi-automatic fire. "That in particular is going to need more than a little plaster and paint to fix. Who knows what's been busted up behind it!"

Looking over to the damage, the elderly man nodded his head in agreement. "Very true," Toramasa offered. "Already, one can see where bloody tissues have caused mold that may be hazardous for human health. I think I should also, as your Real Estate Agent, point out that there are already a number of problems. The basement is partially flooded and I am quite surprised a recent tremor has not sent this place into the bowels of the planet. Half the electrical outlets would fail a standard test, several hidden cameras in the ladies' changing area, the taps for beer and assorted pre-mixed drinks have several leaks, I counted no less than fifty dead rats with no reason why they are dead, eight broken doors, seven burned tables, one out of every seven lights are burnt out, and there may be asbestos in the ceiling."

The auburn-tressed woman twitched considerably as the man listed off numerous problems one after the other. No wonder there'd been no competition for this place! "...Is there any good news?" Nodoka asked hopefully.

Toramasa nodded his head firmly. "The shrine to Bastet in the changing room is still safe," the man offered.

Nodoka perked up considerably at hearing that. "Oh goodie!" she practically squealed with glee. That meant the catgirl outfits might still be in one piece! "Anything else we might want to know?"

"Well, truth be told, rumor has it this place was built atop the temple that was known as the 'Church of Succubus' and that said cult succeeded in bringing one into this world and killing it; the sex demoness' bones hidden somewhere on property to increase the lust quotient..." he took his glasses off and breathed onto them. He then took a glasses cloth out of his pocket and started cleaning them with it. "...That is, if you believe that sort of thing..."

Blinking his eyes once, twice, all Ranma could ask was, "Succubus bones?"

Again, Toramasa nodded his head. "Yes. They say they were entombed within a hidden sanctuary."

*BOOM*!

"Like what is behind you in that oddly suspiciously-timed collapsed wall?" asked Nabiki. Damn, she really was clueless about what went on here.

Well, that and she enjoyed the fact that even with a shrine to Bastet and a Succubus Blessing, the last owner still had to force women under him to get laid.

The elderly man turned around, looked at the sight, and faced Nodoka again. "Oh, before I forget to tell you: we may also have some issues with the health department, and a possible sudden rise in Magical Girl/Devil Hunters showing up to burn the place with fire."

Crossing her arms over her chest, Nodoka considered that for a moment as she 'hmm'ed. "Tell me something, Kobayakawa-san... would Magical Girls and/or Devil Hunters be open to taking a job here instead of burning it down?"

Placing his glasses back on his face, the elderly man replied, "They should. Stories go that there is not a woman more desperate for male attention on the face of the planet compared to Magical Girls... if you believe that sort of thing..."

"ACHOO!" A quintet of girls gathered around a table at the Hikawa Shrine sneezed.

"ACHOO!" cried two pairs of cousins at the Mano household.

"This just in," cried a reporter on the local news station. "Hundreds of girls sneeze at once! New strain of flu... or a sign you need to change your air filters? News at Six!"

Nabiki just twitched. Ranma was about to own a building that would have every action-starved virgin within five-hundred kilometers rushing to work there!

And she didn't have a plan! Damn Saotome for making moves that put her behind having uses for!


	7. Chapter 7

Stop & Find - Money: No Man's Land [Episode 249095]

by Red Priest of the 17th Order

Times like this, Mara hated the fact that she was once childhood friends with Urd—call her 'Urdeth' at your own risk—and wished she never made that 'pinky promise' to give aid in absolute dire need. Her duty was to increase the level of demonic presence on the face of the earth, not... dumpster diving!

Turning from the alleyway, the blonde-haired, red-eyed Demoness glared at the platinum-haired, green-eyed Goddess. "No."

"Oh, come on!"

"I said, 'no'!"

"Do it and I won't tell Hild about You-Know-What," Urd sang out. Truthfully, she didn't know what Mara—a.k.a. Marller—may have done that she believed had yet to reach the Goddess' Mother/Queen of Hell.

No need to let Mara know that, as it appeared to have gotten the Demoness to stop her course and slowly turn around.

"You wouldn't," the pale blonde accused.

Smiling deviously, Urd replied by asking, "Have we met?"

"...How the fuck are you a Goddess?" growled Mara.

Smiling, the Norn of the Past truthfully answered, "It's because I happened to be the lucky bastard that was in the right womb at the right time, and I was the spawn of the Almighty himself!" she then grinned, showing off her pristine white teeth. "So are you going to jump in there for me or do I tattle to mom about something you don't want known..."

Glaring at the smirking Goddess, the Demon of Minor Nuisance and Bad Luck replied, "Do that and I'll tell your mother you bankrupted Heaven."

"Are you kidding?" the tanned Goddess snorted, crossing her arms over her chest. "There's no way this endeavor bankrupted us; and even if it did, mom would hug and thank me for making the area a 'purchasable acquisition' for her!"

Preparing to snort—whether in agreement or agitation—Mara paused a bit.

Urd had just called Hild... 'mother'... twice. The Norn never did that. Sure, she claimed that by doing so, she would let Hild into her heart and thus be corrupted, but no one bought it. They felt it was just the usual mother/daughter BS that sometimes occurred, a sort of teenage rebellion.

But here Urd, was saying it...

So, either this wasn't Urd—her luck wasn't that good—or Yggdrasil was really, REALLY fucked up at the moment.

"Hmm..." she said, scratching her chin in thought, as she stared at Urd.

"...What?" asked the Goddess.

"Something else is up," Mara muttered, trying to decipher what was changed. "Did you break the System?"

"Wuh-what?" stammered Urd nervously. "Are you kidding? Nothing can damage Yggdrasil!"

Now certain something was going on, Mara leaned in, glaring at the Goddess. "Spill it... what happened?"

A sweat-drop trickled down the side of the tanned woman's head. "Wuh-whatever do you mean?" she asked. "Yggdrasil is impenetrable, after all it runs all reality so it has to be... really!"

"Oh, really?" Mara asked. "So that means if I put in the proper requisition forms and have word sent to... 'Him'..." she snorted as thinking of the almighty left her with a sour taste in her mouth. "He would be able to look at it and confirm that the Tree of Life is all right?"

"...IT WAS SKULD'S FAULT!" the Norn of the Past wailed, breaking under the peer-pressure rather quickly.

The Demoness sometimes known as Marller sighed. Really? Cracked so easy? She hadn't even needed to threaten to break out the Austrian Polka music. Shit, the System must be ready to crash, she internally ranted. Though, somehow, she should have seen this coming. Urd had been voted Most Likely to Cause Ragnarok... by both sides. "And how exactly have you two almost brought The End of Times this week?"

At this rate, Hild-domo really would make her apprentice under Urd to better learn how to make shit go crazy.

Twiddling her fingers, Urd could only mumble, "Crysis 3..."

Blinking her eyes once, twice, the pale-skinned Demoness tilted her head. "Crisis three? What, this is the third time you've done it?" Damn! DA~YUM even! Maybe she should try and get some tips from the Norn...

"No, 'Crysis 3'! It's a videogame," Urd said. "It's the most bandwidth hogging, PC power-demanding, graphics-card raping videogame in the world!" she sighed as she added, "And it doesn't help that the gameplay IS addictive!"

"...You crashed Yggdrasil with a human videogame?" Mara asked in awe, wondering if she should use this insider info to try and buy-out one of the videogame companies; Capcom and Square-Enix were currently in hot water.

"I DIDN'T CRASH IT!" Urd shouted in response. "I... merely made it work at only fourteen-percent for fifteen hours or so..."

At the look the Demoness gave her, the Norn of the Past quickly added, "It still ran!"

Mara just twitched. Fourteen-percent! Oh, that could not end well.

Hild sat in her office, tapping her fingers against her desk, a phone to her ear... as snow fell outside the window behind her.

"We're sorry, but all Help Lines for Yggdrasil are currently busy. Please stay on the line, as your issues are very important to us. "

"Someone... will pay for this..." the Queen of Nifelheim promised.

"But it IS back up and running now, so I'm sure everything is fine now!" Urd waved off nervously.

Peorth pulled with all her strength, trying to rip the mouse cable from her throat.

"NUMBER FIVE IS ALIVE!" she managed to scream out as her computer called tried to end her... 'User Status'.

"...I repeat, how the Hell are you considered a Goddess?" Mara asked again.

"...Because the Almighty's seed made me," Urd repeated, giving what was likely at this point the only reason she was allowed into the Heavens. "Now, are you going to keep your end of the Pinky Promise and go dumpster diving to find the money that was supposed to go to Orphans via a Goddess Relief Office Wish or not!?"

Mara just continued to stare at the half-Goddess—more like half-Demoness—and told her, "You know, since you're in deep shit anyway, I know a better way to get money that doesn't involve either of us having to look inside of dumpsters..."

"I still say you should check it out," the Norn huffed.

"Get a minion," the Demoness snorted out. She got them all the time.

Urd just smiled.

"...I am not your minion," Mara dully replied.

"Please!" the platinum-tressed Goddess begged.

"... Did you just try and use 'Puppy-Dog-Eyes no Jutsu' on me?" Mara asked with a light hiss.

Urd narrowed her eyes, and went with Plan Theta—the only Greek Alphabet Letter she knew! "Fine, but then you won't get the glory of stopping me from completing my wish, thus failing to stop me from acquiring a larger share of the Earth Market!"

Mara was about to argue when realization hit her like a sack of bricks. "But wouldn't NOT helping you also keep you from granting said wish and helping said orphans, thus making the world a more fiendish place to live?"

"DON'T YOU BRING LOGIC INTO THIS!" the Norn of the Past snapped, starting to become desperate.

*BAM*!

Turning at once, preparing to magically toast whatever made said noise, they stopped, watching as a lanky Japanese teen exited the back door of some restaurant, cursing to Heaven and Hell, as he dragged several bags of trash towards said dumpster.

Listening to him, one could make out that apparently, the owner was much too cheap to get a proper cart to carry the gunk safely instead of risking the bags ripping.

Pausing, said man looked at the two women: one dressed almost completely in leather, the other with a split dress that stopped before showing anything good.

It reminded him he needed to rent a few pornos that night.

Looking about, he couldn't decide if he had interrupted a pimp dealing with an unruly ho, or a Mistress punishing her leather-clad slave, he shrugged, opened the dumpster, hoped they weren't new vagrants—curse you, World Economy and Bubble Markets that stupid people always assume can rule themselves—and tossed the bags into what the two ladies now saw was an empty dumpster.

"...FUCK! " Urd cursed at the top of her lungs. "The garbage truck already came!?"

Considering that for a moment, Mara nodded her head; she couldn't fight the smile on her face. "Well, Urd... what's it going to be? Are we both going to head to the local garbage dump and look for a proverbial needle in a haystack and risk tetanus and other diseases? Or shall we go with my idea?"

The tanned Goddess turned her head to look at her former friend with a sullen gaze. "What's the idea?"

Smiling, Mara wrapped an arm around Urd's shoulders and escorted her towards the street. "My dear, you need to think more like a demon now..."

As the two turned the corner, the teen blinked, having understood not one word of what they had said; not because they had been speaking some foreign language, just that he had his iPod on and the sound turned to, 'Who needs to hear at 30?'

For one, he knew it was the pimp/ho relationship now.

Two, he did wonder why they were so interested in the dumpster. Trash had been picked up three days ago... and the place had just reopened after a week off for a busted water pipe.

Shaking his head, the Japanese teenager headed back inside... once more cursing the cheap owner as he began the long task of trying to coax the unlocked door knob to actually 'open' the door.

"And that is what the Japanese National Tax Agency is offering for a counter-proposal... if you believe that sort of thing," Toramasa replied as he told Nodoka what the Revenue Service was willing to forgo in payment in return for leaving removal of the dead rats—and the dead midget that was currently hanging from the men's bathroom via pantyhose noose—up to her...

"I don't," Nodoka replied, tapping a few keys on the piano... and stopping when one made a squawking sound. "Would you be able to get an agent here or on the phone? I'd rather wrap this up quickly—yes, I know how odd a request that is from a government agency," she waved off before the old man could answer, looking about. "But I really need to get my son's business up and running before we find out if the Mayans were right or not."

Mr. Kobayakawa blinked his eyes once, twice. "I could get ahold of them as I do have a phone number available..."

"Let me guess," Nabiki snorted as she looked through the paperwork. "That's, 'if you believe that sort of thing' right?"

"Actually, I was going to say, 'but I wouldn't hold my breath'. They are terrible with returning calls," the elderly man snorted as well. "Kami-sama knows how much they've screwed me over... I've been forced to live in the places I'm trying to sell; and the ladies public bathroom is CRAMPED!" he cursed bitterly. Realizing he had the two women staring at him, the elderly man replied, "What? It's the cleanest room in the place! Barely any use!"

Nabiki looked around. This place has a public restroom... for women!? Man, she really didn't know what was going on here, did she?

Ranma ignored them both, trying to find the plug for the pinball machine. He most certainly did not want to be involved in whatever was going on. Bad enough the previous owner took the ice-cream machine the sign outside probably had the coupons for, but he was relatively certain that the skull in that hidden room had been winking at him!

He needed a vacation...

Meeerrrowww... the Neko-Ken firmly agreed, trying to nudge his emotions to explain what he wanted.

Pausing in his search for an extension cord, Ranma told the kitty in his head—no, not figuratively, literally—with a firm voice, "No, I am not going to swallow catnip!"

Nyaaaoooo...

"I'm not smoking it either!" the pigtailed martial artist snapped, feeling rather pissed when he found a portion of extension cord that only ended in frayed wires, denying him the bliss that was 'Evil Knievel Super Pinball'.

Seeing Ranma talking to himself—and not in the good way—Nabiki slowly made her way over to him. "This way, Saotome," she said curtly, dragging him towards the bar. "We need a drink."

"...They have milk?" Ranma asked. He was feeling a bit parched from the walk... and the suit not breathing.

Meow?

"Fine, you can have some milk too," he grumbled. Damn thing, always after something...

Memerow?

"I am not grabbing a rat."

Hiss—purr?

Ranma blinked. Well, things did taste better deep fried...

But if the asshole took the ice-cream machine, he probably took the deep fryer as well! Damn him!

Coming to a stop as Nabiki propped him up on the single stool that wasn't neither bent nor missing the seat and becoming an device of impalement, Ranma watched as the woman bent over, looking underneath the bar cabinetry. She frowned as she realized that there wasn't much left and/or intact. She reached a hand in slowly, hoping to the kami there were no rats in the darkness further off into the depths of the bar.

She paused as she felt intact glass and reached in deeper. She slowly pulled out a bottle of wine, corked with wax and decked with a paper label that seemed to have the hand-inked title, 'Sandeman: Ruby Porto 1932' and the image of what looked like a man from behind walking.

Part of her wondered if she should check how much this bottle was... the other was saying, 'fuck it, I need heavy alcohol now' and she wasn't ready to go to any one of the numerous Liquor Stores in the immediate area for fear of running into any of her old... 'acquaintances'...

Deciding to forgo glasses—wasn't like she had to worry about indirect kisses after last night—she looked around for something to remove the cork, something that wasn't covered in a dried, red fluid, or in a discarded evidence bag.

Blinking, Ranma decided to try his own luck. Reaching over the counter and into the covering shadows underneath, he felt for something too.

"SQUEAK!"

Meow!

Nope, not that.

Hsss! Damn it, even split personalities needed food too!

Ranma ignored it, continuing to feel around. There had to be more under the bar...

Maybe he'd find some more random money again!

"Squeak!"

"Squeak!"

"Squeak!"

"SQUEAK!"

"Squeak!"

"Giggity-Squeak!"

Damn it! Rats, rats and more rats! Oh if only he could get Nuku-Nuku here! She would be more than enough to clean this place out! Damn the Japanese Diet for making it law that he couldn't be with Atsuko and that they needed the minimum space of half a district between them! Why was it every time he made a purely platonic friend—yes, he knew the term; that one military officer explained it thoroughly to him—something always kept them apart!?

At this rate, it might be illegal for him to leave Nerima Ward by the time he turned eighteen!

Hmm, maybe I can use that to keep the old farts from pushing marriage to the tomb—not rat! Let's see...

Damn! Only a Glock-9. Better keep looking…

He blinked his eyes as he felt... "What's this?"

His fingers grasping around something tightly, Ranma noticed the darkness pulsing with a shimmering soft red glow that hadn't been there before and gulped. He tentatively pulled the item out, revealing it to be a human bone...

If human bows could glow.

"...I think I found something that belongs to the skull in the hidden basement..." Ranma said slowly as he looked up at Nabiki.

The middle Tendo daughter paused in her efforts to remove the wax cork—finally having found one corkscrew that probably hadn't been used to injure someone fatally—and looked at the pulsing bone. And to think, the bartender simply called it his 'Persuadertron'. She frowned as she realized. But, you know, it does probably explain how that fat geek got laid so much. Strippers simply do NOT have fetishes for pimply nerds. "Well?" she asked, staring at him.

"...What should I do with it?" the heir of the Saotome School of Anything Goes Martial Arts questioned.

The woman huffed. While she wasn't one to give free information, this had the possibility of effecting her as well; covering her own ass would be payment enough. "Well, me, I'd wipe my prints off it before tossing it onto the pile of bones in the wall there, before the government agents get here."

"...So I need a clean towel," he replied, remembering some of what his father had taught him.

"Yeah, good luck finding one," Nabiki replied, returning to trying to obtain her sweet nectar.

"Well everyone, I've got both good and bad news," Toramasa spoke up, trying to get the attention of those further away from him and the now cackling Nodoka.

Looking up from her bottle of sweet relief and over at the Saotome Matriarch, Nabiki shuddered. This could not be good at all!

As the two youths remained where they were—not that he blamed them—Toramasa sighed and he motioned for the two to come closer...

Which they did, making sure they were further away from Nodoka and finally opposite the woman so they could keep an eye on her. You couldn't trust what that woman would do when out of your field of vision... at least if you saw it coming you could run!

"What's the matter now?" Nabiki asked, clutching the bottle to her bosom protectively as if it were a newborn baby.

"It turns out there was a reason why this place could be bought dirt-cheap, even in comparison to other properties in the neighborhood and why certain... 'questionable' practices went on..." the elderly man explained. "I got ahold of an Accountant for the JNTA and upon explaining what was going on, he forwarded me a line to the Tokyo Planning and Zoning Commissioner... it turns out... well..." he scratched the back of his head. "Apparently this place doesn't technically exist."

Ranma blinked his eyes once, twice. "Come again?" It would be his luck to have entered the Twilight Zone... a third time... this month alone...

"It would seem that there was a miscalculation when they divvied up the properties of this district and the Commissioner discovered that the land the Pink Kitty rests upon is not on the Tokyo map, and thus not even part of the map of Japan... or ANY map for that matter. Furthermore, it's not listed in any of the registries. That means what you have here is a tiny spot of land smack dab in the middle of Tokyo that by legal definition isn't Japanese soil. That's why there's been a lot of legal red-tape in selling it."

Her mind slowly processing the information, Nabiki just blinked her eyes. "You have to be shitting me..." she growled out. That meant...

That meant...

THAT MEANT ALL THE FUCKING TAXES SHE PAID WORKING THERE NEVER WENT TO ANYONE BUT THE OLD FAT LARD ASS HIMSELF!

*POP*!

"Hey! You got the cork out!" Ranma exclaimed, wondering how Nabiki had managed to do that with a... burning red battle aura?

Well, that can't be good, he thought to himself.

"Squeak? SQUE—"

*SIZZLE*!

"Meow!"

The Saotome Matriarch stared at her only child curiously. "...Son... did you just 'meow' while staring at the suspiciously flash-fried rat near Nabiki?" Nodoka asked.

Ranma blinked his eyes once, twice. "Maybe..." he said slowly. At the look he was getting from his mother, he knew he needed to get her attention off of him... and fast! It's not like this was Japan! Why be held up to Japanese standards when kitties wanted to enjoy mousies in a place that wasn't EVEN Japan anymore and...

Wait... Mousies? Mousies in Not-Japan?

It was then a major realization hit him... one that made him smile wide. "Wait... wait a minute... if we're technically not on Japanese soil... does that mean the laws don't apply here?"

Nodding his head, the elderly man replied. "Yes... you'd likely end up paying more for your utilities unless you go 'off the grid' and you'd certainly have to pay international mailing fees if you want to send mail out elsewhere into the country from here or have it mailed to the building... but otherwise you have nothing to do with Japan here..."

Smiling widely, the pigtailed martial artist asked, "Excuse me, old guy? May I borrow your phone?"

*Ring*!

*Ring*!

*Ring*!

"Atsuko~Ooooo!" Professor Natsume called out, the man on his back and underneath a raised table frame his latest project was situated on. "The phone's ringing! Can you answer it up for me?"

"Okay, Papa-san!" cried the excitable android catgirl as she picked up the phone. "Hello, who the fuck is this?" she chirped happily, just like Papa-san did all the time when he answered the phone.

The man tried to get up quickly at hearing her yell that. "Gah!" came his surprised cry from upstairs, as said man rushed, while clutching his head, only to slip on a discarded pack of cigarettes and injure himself further, trying to rapidly make his way downstairs before his 'daughter' cost him a possible client.

"Uh..." was the response of the surprised male voice. "Is that you, Nuku-chan?"

Immediately, the android's ear receptors sprang up and her Tetrabyte Pentium Processor went to action in recognizing said voice. A huge grin on her face, the robotic catgirl cried, "FRIEND RANMA! What a surprise! Nuku-Nuku not hear from Friend Ranma since we took out big green radioactive dinosaur together!" she giggled with girlish glee.

"Ruh-Ranma?" the Professor sputtered as he ran into the room, foot losing traction as he stepped on a milk bowl of Nuku's and fell over again. From his place on the floor, now all wet from lactose liquid, he questioned, "It's Ranma Saotome!?"

Pouting, the android turned to her creator/father and demeaned, "Papa-san! It's not polite to interrupt people on the phone!"

The Professor didn't want to interrupt them. HE WANTED TO THANK THEM! Because of Ranma, his 'friends'—and he used that term looser than he used the term, 'friendly divorce'—and others like him, the JSDF never blamed Nuku-Nuku for the damages she caused AND had him on permanent retainer to make weapons to deal with entities like them!

Hell, his Second-Generation Pulse Rifles helped repel an invasion of Shikima Smurfs!

As he shuddered at the mental image of such abominations—tentacle demons should NEVER sing like that when attacking 'innocent' schoolgirls—he finally tuned back into the conversation to hear...

"WE CAN!"

Across Japan, several Mauve-level personnel shuddered as if someone had let the captured tentacle-laden Smurf free from its pen again.

"We can, what exactly?" the Professor asked, curious as to just what his daughter was agreeing him to.

"Papa-san! Friend Ranma says he has lots of money and he wants to hire you on to fix the place and that he wants Nuku-Nuku to come along to help!" the fuchsia-tressed android chirruped, drooling at the thought of all the mousies the place had to clear out, if what Friend Ranma said was true!

Blinking his eyes once, twice—not that one could see it with how his bangs hung down over them—the man slowly kicked the kitty bowl off his foot and questioned, "Is that even legal? Not the work, I mean... you and him... together... in the same room, let along the same building..."

Grinning wider, a sparkly gaze came over the young android catgirl's eyes. "Friend Ranma says his new place is a Rule Free Zone the and mean old Dietmen can't keep us apart as long as we're together there!" she mewled happily.

"...Ooookaaaay..." the middle-aged inventor said slowly. What did he care; as long as he got paid and got out before the JDSF came... "What's this place he wants fixed up?"

Placing the phone to hear hear, the fuchsia-tressed friend of Ranma asked, "Friend Ranma, where is this place again?" She nodded her head a few times and said, "Uh-huh..." she turned to her father and replied, "It's at 732 Takahashi Boulevard!" she then paused and frowned as she realized the address wasn't popping up in her internal GPS.

The man was once again blinking his eyes—although said effect was lost for obvious reasons—and frowned. "Hmm... odd... that address seems familiar to me..."

As he pondered that, he also pondered how said boy had found a Rule-Free Zone in Japan...

Fifty Years Ago...

"Come here, you!" growled out a drunken Diet politician, as he chased his secretary, not noticing as he spilled his freshly imported American liquor into the air, some of it landing on a detailed map for a planning and zoning commission, that tomorrow, would go to a stickler for the rules middleman in the emerging bureaucracy of Japan, who would see the smudge, assume it was unusable land, and since he was only to put in actual property listings and not swamp-land or sinkholes—that was another pencil-pusher who had said maps the day before—and skip it.

"Hmm," the Professor continued. Damn that was bugging him. Just WHY did that address sound so familiar?

Oh well, time to make money! "So, he just needs me to do repairs right? Structure, mechanical, what have you?" the man asked, rubbing his hands as he could already count the Yen signs.

"All of it," Nuku-Nuku answered. She frowned as she leaned her head in to hear what he had to say. "He says we should leave any 'sucky-bust' bones we find alone though..." she then smiled widely at something else her friend told her. "But he also says that Nuku-Nuku can eat all the mousies she finds!"

Blinking again, Nuku-Nuku replayed the last sounds her audio receptors had picked up. "We need to really hurry, Papa-san! They are even frying tasty mousies! And Nuku-Nuku knows never to let fried food set too long, or it goes bad!"

"...Why are they frying mousies—I mean, mice?" he asked, wincing at his mangling of the human language. Kami-damn, could Nuku ever make anyone lose IQ Points by simply hanging out with her for too long.

"No time!" Nuku-Nuku cried, tossing whatever supplies were nearby, out the window, and outside of the professor's van. True, a toaster might not help Papa-san...

But she could put fried mousies between buttered toast!

Mmmm, toast...

Watching as his daughter feverishly went to work, the Professor could only comment, "This better pay well..."

"FREEZE!" A female figure clad in trench-coat with pantyhose over her head shouted as she whipped out a Remington shotgun. "Hands where I can see them!"

Her associate, dressed similarly pulled out an AK-47, moving across the area and getting a look at everyone. "This is a robbery and you better pay well!"

The lone male in the place paused in his work, before turning to face the robbers. "Um, ladies? This is a JoS. A. Bank store: we sell men's clothing."

"...No safe?" asked the tanned beauty wearing the trench coat opened enough to expose some of her massive cleavage.

"Well, yes, we have one, but the manager just emptied it and took the deposit to a real bank."

"..." was all Urd could say when it finally sunk in... how badly her first bank robbery was going.

Lowering her automatic weapon, Mara looked at the nearby prices and snorted. Oh yeah, like they were the only robbers in the room. Hopefully, Urd would come up with a plan on the fly to make sure the jackass didn't report them so they could go find a real bank without those pesky police officers trying to kill them.

"..."

"...I hate you so much right now," Mara stated, glaring at her friend who couldn't even come up with a quick lie.


	8. Chapter 8

Stop & Find - Money: Pest Control [Episode 249331]

by Red Priest of the 17th Order

Watching as Ranma snapped Toramasa's cell-phone shut, the middle Tendo trembled with pure, unadulterated fear. "...No..." Nabiki whispered as she stepped back, her aura of pure rage sputtering out instantly. "You... you did NOT just call HER, did you!?"

Handing the small piece of communications electronics back to the elderly man who couldn't run a business to save his life, the pigtailed martial artist turned to look at his fiancée's sister. "What do you mean, Nabiki?"

"You did NOT just invite Atsuko 'Nuku-Nuku' Natsume to come over here, did you!?" the brunette snapped; her Ice Queen facade completely broken at this point but the bout of rage and now unbridled terror. "It... it's illegal for you to be around her for a reason!"

Smiling, Ranma told her, "Well first off, it's not illegal here as this place is Not-Japan! So the rules in place don't apply here... second, I didn't invite her over..."

Nabiki started to let out a breath of relief.

"I invited her AND her father over! He's supposed to be some sort of mechanical and technical genius! I'm sure he could fix this place up in no time at all!" the raven-haired youth said with much bravado.

It took an admirable amount of control simply not to wet herself at that moment—more incredible after what she had gone through in the last twenty-four hours without gaining a single Yen for it.

But why, you may ask. Why would Nabiki Tendo—who didn't even flinch when the fiancées tried to kill her when she was temporarily engaged to Ranma—be afraid of Nuku-Nuku coming over to visit?

Ask yourself this: why were Ranma and Nuku-Nuku banned from hanging out together, but no such ban was placed on fiancées?

Answer: one group 'meeting' only affects the local economy while helping drive construction businesses. The other usually involves a natural disaster area and involvement of international aid and the Red Cross.

Putting it in recent terms; the radioactive knock-off Gojira they defeated was considered a 'small-scale meeting'.

"Nabiki," Nodoka said firmly as she noticed the young girl backing away. "Where are you going? You're the financial forethought and backbone of the Tendo Home... I need you here to look over the paper-work to make sure that everything is in order so I can purchase this country for my son..."

"Actually," Toramasa spoke up. "It's not a country but a bit of land that's not Japanese territory..."

"Tomato, To~mah~toe," the Saotome Matriarch huffed. "It's the same difference. My son will rule a land that is not Japan and prove himself a mighty Emperor who deserves all the women folk that flock this way!"

...As if I didn't need another reason to flee this place for my life, Nabiki thought, wondering if she could sneak the sometimes-realto''s phone from him, call a cab, and hope that she had enough hidden cash at the Dojo to pay for the trip. No way in hell was she walking home in that outfit, from this neighborhood, unarmed, even in broad daylight. And after last night, she was not going to trust her safety at the Saotome Household.

She already had to make one trip to get a morning after pill, she didn't need to have to send someone else after it because she couldn't walk right or was too drunk from trying to wipe her memory of all events for the last few days.

And yet... she still could at least keep the private joke to herself about what Akane's life would be like when her little sister finally tied the knot with Ranma. The pigtailed martial artist should be glad; his mother would be right there to ensure it was consummated and not ended in a violent murder.

Nodoka smiled as she stared at the young Tendo woman. Obviously the girl didn't want to be a part of this unless she was in on the transaction full-swing! Thinking such the auburn-haired woman raised a hand, patting the cushion of the chair next to her—one of the few seats with four legs still—and told her, "It's okay, Nabiki. I appreciate any and all advice and suggestions you may have to make so come on and tell Auntie what you think is best for her manly son's new feudal kingd—strip club!"

As Nabiki began to wonder just how much profit was worth being in what might soon be a large crater in Japan, Ranma paused in his happy musings of seeing his bestest-non-fiancée friend in the world, to turn to his mother. "My what now?"

"Your business, my son," Nodoka stated with a cheerful smile.

"...I thought you said something about a club," he replied, scratching his head.

"Well, there will be music here," Nodoka waved off. It was so cute to her, how he was pretending to not know what they were talking about.

Ranma considered that... it was true... the one armor-plated ice-cream truck driven by that grizzled Vietnam War Veteran that came through always had music on the speakers whenever it came through... obviously, his mother was thinking if they had music, they could attract more business and bring in more people to enjoy ice-cream.

"Sure mom," Ranma agreed. "As long as we have more than one song..." he added quickly. "Hearing the same thing on loop day and night might make me want to commit seppuku or something..." he told his mother in all seriousness. Maybe they could get the 'Oscar Meyer Weiner' Song too...

Nodoka nodded, pleased that her son understood the basics of a strip club in the fact that music was not static, either for all the dancers or even one set. What's more, he didn't just assume everyone knew such, like some bosses, who would then complain when what they desired was not delivered.

Oh, her genes were finally surging forward in him! At this rate, he'd be one of the richest ruler-for-life members of the human race!

Although, they would have to put money back into the business. At some point, his harem would need a larger place to live than her home/his embassy. Was there a skyscraper nation with a strip club in the lobby? If not... as much as she'd had to do such, they would likely have to close down the Pink Kitty to do that with the land once they had the property and the money to do such.

She hoped that girl her son called arrived soon. She needed to talk to the contractor her son got about that.

"Nuku-Nuku! Slow down! SLOW DOWN! For the love of the kami, slow the fuck down!" the creator of the android catgirl wailed as he braced his hands against the dashboard of his car for dear-life, hoping his seat-belt hung on as he went over 188 mph... and no, not because he was driving fast; Nuku-Nuku was hold his van above her head in her hands and RUNNING!

"But Papa-san, mousies!" the fuchsia-tressed catgirl a shouted. "Besides, we're almost there!"

"How soon is alm~ACK!" the man chocked as the woman and the vehicle came to a sudden stop, the seat-belt keeping him from lunging through the window but still cutting off his wind-pipe.

A huge grin on her face, the NK 1124 Unit placed the vehicle down next to the curb, making sure it faced thw right way—Papa-san HATED when he was facing opposing traffic. "Papa-san! Nuku-Nuku thinks this is the place!" She was pretty sure it was. The robot catgirl couldn't find the address in her GPS but there was one for 730 AND 734 Takahashi Boulevard. Using her normally ignored 'common sense' sub-routines, the android catgirl had to agree that this spot in between was likely where Friend Ranma was. "Look, Papa-san! There is even a pink kitty on the building!"

Stepping out of his vehicle once Atsuko had put it down, the man slowly asked, "A 'pink kitty'?" he brought a hand up to brush up his bangs. His eyeballs went wide as he stared in slack-jawed shock at what was before him.

"Wow..." Nuku-Nuku whispered. "Papa-san's amber eyes are pretty-pretty!"

Ignoring how the android that was like a daughter to him gushed over his appearance, the technical genius could only whisper, "I don't believe it.. that boy bought THE Pink Kitty!?"

Blinking her eyes once, twice, Nuku-Nuku queried, "Does Papa-san know this place?"

The man twitched at that. He wasn't sure how to answer that one but he supposed... the truth would be best, so there wouldn't be any miscommunication and likely more hell on his shoulders. "...Nuku-Nuku, this is where I met my ex-wife."

Blinking her eyes once, twice, fuchsia-tressed girl tilted her head. "Bad Mama-san worked with mousies?"

The man snorted. "No, but she certainly was surrounded by a lot of rats..."

"LUCKY!" Nuku-Nuku chimed with exuberance. She wanted to be surrounded by big, fat, juicy rats too!

"I suppose," the man said, wanting to light a cigarette—especially after what he was seeing—but remembering that if the place needed a renovation, it probably was like the last time he saw it... any spark might set it up into a giant ball of fire, likely to reach the heights of his ex's former satellite laser-platform.

"Hmm..." he muttered, reaching into the back of his van and looking to see if Nuku-Nuku packed his gas-mask. For all he knew, there was asbestos in 'dem walls'.

But on the bright side, if he did a good job in fixing the place up, he might be able to get into the rebuilt club without having to pay a cover charge. Perhaps even... a lifetime membership to the champagne room!

And damn it! This time it would be bigger than a closet with an aluminum tub and the girls pouring orange water over you! He would see to it!

Puffing up with pride at the thoughts of what he could accomplish, the man held out his hand—why do the work yourself when you had an assistant for that. "Atsuko! My tools and gas-mask!" Feeling something put into his hand the man brought it to his face..

...And cried out as his nose got caught in one of two slots.

"Silly Papa-san! Toaster is for mousies, not for nosies!"

Taking a deep breath—more not to yell and attract his semi-daughter's attention so that she might try and 'help' him—the professor worked carefully to extract his nose from the bread slot, thankful she had brought the one that required to be plugged in and not the battery-operated one.

Nose extracted—and several sneezes later to expel the toaster leavings—he decided to grab his own tool belt for fear of what she might hand him this time—and took what he considered a pose of greatness.

The android catgirl tilted her head to the side. "...Did Papa-san pull his 'no-no muscle' again?"

The inventor twitched. ...Everyone's a critic... he thought bitter before telling her, "Now, Nuku-Nuku, we go to battle!"

"...But Nuku-Nuku didn't bring any weapons this time, Papa-san."

"That is okay, you need not bring one!" Professor Natsume proclaimed. "You have your own skills and appetite..."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"...Just go in there and catch the mousies..." the professor finally stated.

"YAY! Mousies!" Nuku-Nuku cheered as she rushed on in, breaking down the right door of the main entrance. "Where is mousies!?" she cooed as she looked around.

Trying to hide behind her seat and underneath the table, Nabiki couldn't help but tremble in sheer horror. She was here! She was already here! Ranma called not even six minutes ago and she was already here!

Not even phased about the destroyed entrance, Ranma smiled wide and shouted, "Nuku-Nuku!"

Her enhanced ear receptors popping up, Nuku-Nuku turned about, eyes shifting settings to involve and infra-red overlay due to how little natural light was getting in from lack of un-boarded windows. She then smiled wide as she saw him. In sheer seconds, the android catgirl lunged herself at him with a cry of, "FRIEND RANMA!"

It was a lunge that would have crippled most NFL linebackers, even the ones not suffering from the debilitating effects of whatever 'all-natural support supplement' the might be taking.

In Nerima, it would have injured a good two-thirds of the group named the Nerima Wrecking Crew.

For Ryoga, Nuku-Nuku would be more likely to injure herself upon impact, followed by the Eternal Lost Boy once again swearing revenge on Ranma for it.

However, unlike the others, Ranma was smart enough to redirect her force, turning it into a spin worthy of a sappy movie romance where the couple reunited and heart-warming music played in the background.

The only sound in the background there was Nabiki's shaking hiding place and the rat equivalent of 'game over, man; game over!' from within the walls.

Nodoka's eyes sparkled as she saw her son spin the laughing girl in place. Such love and romance... could it be...

"Son," the Saotome Matriarch spoke up as the two finally started to stop spinning. "Who is this lovely girl?"

Smiling as Ranma finally let her down on her feet, Nuku-Nuku looked up at the auburn-haired woman. "Oh... hello! Who is you?"

Although she kept her composure, the older woman's smile twitched. "I asked first, dearie but if you must know, I am Ranma's mother, Nodoka."

A huge grin came over Nuku-Nuku's face. "Oh wow! Friend Ranma have such pretty Mama-san!" She was so MUCH nicer looking than Ryuunosuke's Mama-san by miles!

THAT made the woman puff up with pride; having a younger woman recognize the Matriarch for her obvious beauty. "Why thank you... now, you are?"

"AH! I is Nuku-Nuku!" the android catgirl shouted happily. "Ranma and Nuku-Nuku are Best Friends with Benefits!" After all, she loved when he went all 'kitty' too and they played games and lay down in the sun... and even better, he was getting her all sorts of mousies; her radar was already picking up over nine-thousand one hundred of the little buggers! It would be... a buffet!

Nodoka gawked at the young girl's exuberant and open display of affection for her child, to proclaim they were lovers without hesitation! "My son!" she gasped. "Is this true!?"

Nodding his head, Ranma firmly stated, "Yep! She's the best Friend with Benefits I've ever had!" Kami knew she could outrun ALL the Nerima Wrecking Crew and then some; she was the best living getaway vehicle ever! Not to mention the benefits of having someone's home to go to without threats of marriage, a love of fighting, excellent cooking—as long as you didn't ask what the meat was made of—and her father loved to show him things that made loud explosions!

Nodoka was almost glowing...

"Wow, Friend Ranma's pretty Mama-san is glowing like Friend Ranma does when he plays with Tasty-Pork-Friend Ryoga!" Nuku-Nuku chirped.

...Okay, she was glowing but that was only because of the thought her manly son was bedding two women! How could she NOT have pride over that? "Does Nabiki-chan get together with you at all?" she asked hopefully.

Nuku-Nuku's honest smile became suddenly strained—not that Nodoka would notice. "Nuku-Nuku and Friend-Ranma... don't play with Nabiki-san."

The glow dimmed a bit, as Nodoka wondered what event stopped them from playing together, and by that she meant a sweaty threesome that had the cops called because by the sounds, two women were either being murdered or succumbing to some Kami-spirit. Maybe I should have them come over tonight and see if we can work it out... Surely, since it would mean more time with my manly son, they'd want to try at least...

"...Friend-Ranma, did it get cold in here?" the android catgirl asked as the thermometer gauge in the left corner of her vision showed the degrees dropping suddenly.

"Hmm," Ranma said, looking around. Maybe the AC still worked here?

"I got the AC working!" came a shout from off to the side. All heads turned to where a man in white lab-coat stood up. He turned about, giving the gathered group a thumbs-up.

"A squatter!" Toramasa yelled as he took out a spray bottle from his jacket. He rushed up to the man and started squirting at him.

"ACK! HEY! WHAT GIVES!?" Professor Natsume gasped, stepping back as the elder kept spraying him with water spritzes.

"I know a squatter when I see one," the old man snapped. "Scruffy hair? Scruffy goatee? Smells of cigarettes? Sandals with SOCKS!? Obviously a homeless bum!" Not that Toramasa had a leg to stand on, considering his own situation... but he wanted to close this deal and make some money!

"I am not a squatter!" the supposed-technical genius snapped. "I am the great Professor Kyusaku Natsume!"

Nodding her head firmly, Nuku-Nuku proclaimed, "Yeah! He's also Nuku-Nuku's Papa-san!"

Hearing that, Nodoka raised her hands to her mouth, stifling a gasp. Her father was... homeless? Oh the poor dear! She needed to invite the girl to live in her home where she would only need to turn tricks for Ranma to make ends meet!

Once again, Nabiki now had more information she couldn't sell.

Ranma had a best friend with benefits? Sell the info, and people would either be deported or forcefully relocated to either end of Japan, so no further sales... although the idea of doing it to Tatewaki was very tempting.

Sell the info that Ranma was now cherry-free, and eventually, it would be leaked just who had plucked said cherry, and she'd be lucky for a quick death and no one learning about the mystery 'third' member at that event.

So here she was, hiding in a place she once worked, discovering the previous owner had stolen from her, wrapped in only a kimono that she hoped was not see-through from any angle, sitting on a gold mine of innuendo to sell but couldn't due to fear of her own safety, surrounded by two people the Japanese Diet had declared could never meet inside a populated center, and a woman who had not only done things to her last night that made her still shiver, but had made a comment while 'innocently adjusting her kimono for her' that tonight, she had other things 'planned' for them all.

So... she was now debating whether to just run for it now and let her fear help her run home, or look for even more alcohol, and try to ensure the only thing she remembered tomorrow was waking up sore with a hangover and a bad taste in her mouth.

"Well, my dear; you must simply spend the night with us all tonight," Nodoka offered the fuchsia-tressed cutie.

...Why do the kami hate me? What did I ever do to deserve this? the Middle Tendo asked the Heavens, not knowing that no answer—not even the questioning of if she needed a list and in what format—would not come, as Heaven was currently facing an equivalent of Skynet.

Nuku-Nuku smiled widely. She was about to accept the generous offer when her father spoke up for her.

"She can't," Kyusaku said as he pushed the old man off of him. "Nuku-Nuku and Ranma aren't allowed to meet each other in person, remember? They have to have at least half a city district between them. The only reason she's been allowed here at the same time as your son is because you told me this was a rule free zone."

...DAMN LOGIC! Nodoka huffed as she realized if she was to help this child once again becomes her manly son's bestest best friend with benefits, she'd have to get this place fixed up. "You... you said your name was Kyusaku, right?"

Nodding his head, the technician of masterful level, (when it came to weapons of mass destruction) replied, "Yes. Professor Kyusaku Natsume. I'm an inventor and mechanic of sorts; your son called my home, hoping to hire my services."

"Yeah, he's really good mom!" Ranma said, wanting to defend Nuku's father. "You should see his place! All kinds of reinforcements to the walls... special 22mm bronze casing bullet-proof glass... heck, even many of the electronics and other goodies in his house are made of this stuff he calls, 'Tonka Tough'!"

Nodding his head, the inventor admitted with pride, "I had to! The repair bills were starting to add up, even if I was the one making said repairs. It got to the point where I finally said, 'enough of this' and designed a new material that could withstand anything my daughter, her friends—or even my bitch ex-wife—could throw at it!"

Nodoka slowly nodded. At least the cute dear wasn't homeless—although she came from a broken home where the mother had obviously not been womanly and left them shattered. Why else would such a bright young man as her father... well... look like a dim-witted ex-hippy?

"Excuse me," Toramasa spoke up, refilling his spritzer with tap water that was thankfully not brown for the moment. "But back to your earlier comments... if you were serious about making this your own country, then you might be able to make somewhere else your own embassy, which would have the same rules as your home country... if you believe in that sort of thing."

Hearing that, Nodoka smiled. "My manly son... you realize what this means," she said evenly.

The pigtailed martial artist almost whimpered.

"We need to get more paperwork!"

He wanted to cry! Why!? What did he ever do to the Kami to have to sign so many documents for!?

Standing outside one of the last remaining phone-booths in Tokyo, a Infernal and half-Demonic entity looked through the phonebook. Pointing a finger, the half-goddess asked, "What about this one?"

The pure demoness shook her head. "That's a blood bank, Urd."

The Norn of the past trailed her finger to another establishment. "And that one?"

"Food bank," Mara sighed.

"...Think they have peaches?"

"Now then, if we hired you..." Nodoka said as she had Kyusaku looking over the documentation as well. "You see how much they want us to pay. Would we be able to afford your services after the initial investment?"

"Well, that depends..." Kyusaku said in all seriousness. "How much do you think is left over to work with?"

Taking the pen Toramasa had provided her to sign said documents with, she took the man's palm—as there was no clean paper that didn't need to be filed or even napkins—and wrote on it. "That much..." she said as she released his hand.

Bringing his hand up to his face, the man wondered why she could only afford the tiniest fraction of a single Yen if they had the money to pay for a strip clu—

Wait. He was looking at this upside down.

"Papa-san?" the android catgirl chirruped. "Why are you smiling like that?" he only smiled that wide when he was drinking and watching the videotape of Mama-san giving birth to Ryuunosuke... and there certainly wasn't a working TV around here!

Taking a deep breath and doing his best to put on a poker face—suppressing the smile that threatened to envelope his head—the man told Nodoka, "I can do my best with the modest sum you'd be able to offer. In fact, as an act of good will, I won't even charge for my daughter being authorized to handle Pest Control."

NOW the NK 1124 Unit's eyes began to sparkle with a happy gleam. "Papa-san mean Nuku-Nuku can go after all the mousies she wants!?"

Smiling honestly, the professor told her, "Bust a gut." Kami-sama knew he could afford to make a new one for her now if she did.

"YAAAAAY!" Nuku-Nuku cheered, before reaching down and grabbing the rat Nabiki had flash-fried with her aura only minutes earlier. "Look, Papa-san, it has that look of fear Nuku-Nuku likes!" With that said, the android catgirl—that oddly could somehow digest biologic materials and ... use it in ways a sane mind would prefer not to know—bit into the fried confection. "Mmm! Tastes like happy!"

Noticing that her friend had been staring at her, she turned to look at him with a smile. "Want a bite?" she offered, holding it out by the stiff tail towards the heir of the Saotome School of Anything Goes Martial Arts.

"Um... I'm good," Ranma replied. He wasn't quite ready yet to eat rat... again... after the one part of the training trip. Although he was beginning to suspect that while his father insisted that was all they could eat at the time, due to lack of funds, said man also smelled of booze during that entire stay... and his 'rat' smelled suspiciously like ham...

Realizing it was all for her, Nuku-Nuku literally purred as she bit into the rat again, enjoying the tasty treat. "Issogood!" the android catgirl said with one breath. "If only we could cook it with transfats!"

Ranma blinked his eyes once, twice. "Why not?"

"Because my manly son, transfats are illegal in... most..." Nodoka trailed off as a realization struck her. "You know what, my manly son? You're right! With your own literal 'Country Club' you could have all your foods cooked with transfats if you wanted!" Why, being the only place in all of Tokyo—hell, all of JAPAN—that still cooked with transfats, they would have more clientele than JUST those hungry for the sights of sexy women!

Her son was an absolute brilliant financial strategist!

And yet the Middle Tendo had barely offered any help since getting here...

"Nabiki," the Saotome Matriarch said seriously. "I'm beginning to realize you're only sticking around as to leech off of my manly son's financial insight and marketing might... now be honest; he's the one who's been keeping the Tendo Dojo afloat since he got there, hasn't he?"

NOW the Middle Tendo sputtered with growing ire as the woman insulted her. She may have been afraid of her, but NO ONE insulted Nabiki's ability to make money! "Of course not! I make all the business arrangements of the household! Ranma is nothing but a freeloader!"

"Then why are all the Ranma Photos, Videos and the Gambling concerning his fights oh-so-popular?" Nuku-Nuku asked as she was started to feel along a wall, pressing her head to it as she listened for more mousies.

Smiling, the auburn haired MiLF crossed her arms over her chest and nodded her head in understanding. "Of course... my son is obviously ingenious, going out of his way to see to it the Tendo Dojo has money through only his efforts... I see he has this club is in capable hands: his."

The Middle Tendo daughter was starting to spark again and took a deep breath, about to set the woman straight when the android added, "And there's also the Ranma Saotome Fanclub! Even Nuku-Nuku had to pay to join and she's one of Friend Ranma's friends!"

Said youth blinked his eyes once, twice. "...I have a Fanclub?"

Nodding her head firmly, the fuchsia-tressed catgirl added, "With weekly newsletters, membership cards, AND decoder rings!" she then lifted her right hand, bringing her ring-finger's knuckle to her lips, blowing through the whistle of said ring.

Nodoka nodded, as her mind made another leap of logic that defied even an insane madman—or a Kuno—to follow. She added the middle Tendo's actions of running such things behind her son's back, plus the way they had had sex last night, which was A LOT of angry passion... and it all made sense... to Nodoka Saotome.

"I see," the Saotome Matriarch continued, as Ranma examined the ring and had Nuku-Nuku explain how it worked. Walking over towards Nabiki, who was now both fearful she might be assaulted—in either a physical or sexual manner, as given the person, it could very well be both—she placed her hands on the girl's shoulders. "It's now so obvious to me what you have been doing," Nodoka stated in an even voice.

Nabiki felt her bladder control suddenly preparing to flee since she couldn't.

"You have done these things to prove yourself to my manly son that you a near-equal to his money-making potential, while hoping to infuriate him to add passion to your hot sex life," Nodoka state what she saw as absolute truth and would accept no other reality.

The only thing that kept Nabiki from face-faulting was the fact she wasn't certain she hadn't just peed herself, and thus, she didn't want to drop face-first into said puddle if it had occurred.

Well, that and even her own mind made the mistake of trying to follow Nodoka's train of thought.

"...Ow..."

Luckily, she had only just left the station before her train fell to the side.

Nodoka smiled and did her best to straighten out the younger woman's kimono. "Don't worry... I'm certain my manly son will share his business secrets with you... of course it's likely you'll have to pry them out of him via 'pillow talk'. But I'm certain I can—"

*CRASH*!

"Squeak!"

"Squeak!"

"Squeak!"

"Squeak!"

"SQUEAK!"

"Squeak!"

"Squeak!"

"Mousies!" Nuku-Nuku cheered as she started grabbing them in what was almost a perfect replication of Ranma's Katchu-Tenshin Amaguriken.

She didn't seem to notice that what looked like a couple of skeletal structure, one of which was a human arm that was now draped over Nuku's shoulder, having been unearthed... nor cared that it was glowing even if she grabbed more mice.

As everyone stared at the destruction and carnage caused by his semi-daughter, the goateed male sighed. "...It's better this way," Kyusaku said seriously. "I'd need to remake the walls anyway, as that would give me the chance to redo all the plumbing and electric wiring—power and phone—too."

"...How many bones are buried here?" Ranma asked rhetorically. From what he had seen, the succubus bones already had two arms. Although one of them hadn't been glowing... so who did it belong to if THIS was the succubus' proper arm?

"There are many other legends of this place, if you believe—"

"If you say what I think you're gonna say," Ranma replied in an even tone. "I will smack you with that arm."

"...If you believe some of the stories they say about this place..." the man finally said. As the boy glared at him, Toramasa pointed out, "And shouldn't you stop your friend before she—"

*CHOMP*!

"...Bites into one of the glowing bone..." he finished lamely.

Nuku-Nuku blinked, chewing once more, before looking over at what she had bitten into; the rat now missing its front half... and the arm missing half of what her internal computer was identifying as a humerus. She considered that and the other bones beside her, frowning as the DNA analysis machine came out 'negative' for a result on what was in her stomach.

Picking up another bone with her free hand, the fuchsia-tressed catgirl tried out to see if her DNA Analyzer was possibly busted. Her touch receptors and eyes going to work, the NK 1124 Unit let out a sigh of relief as the human bones came out with a match. "Papa-san... Nuku-Nuku thinks she found Jimmy Hoffa."

"Nuku-Nuku!" the man shouted as he saw what his 'daughter' had bitten into. "What have I told you about eating glowing things!?"

"But Papa-san, Nuku-Nuku's not picking up any radiation!" the young catgirl whimpered. Her internal Geiger Counter was only triggered a little when they passed the men's public bathroom!

Holding out his hand, the Professor told her, "Spit it out."

"But Papa-san," the girl tried to explain. "Nuku-Nuku not processed any mousie goodne—"

"Right now, Atsuko Natsume," the Professor said, using her full name to show how serious he was.

That made the girl pout; but Papa-san was serious. Closing her eyes, Nuku-Nuku hated performing this function, but she had to use the, 'emergency purge' aka 'Mama-san Post-Meal Mode'.

"HUWAAAAAAAAAARF!"

Dripping with crunched up mouse bits and the canned tuna his daughter had at lunch, the man twitched once, twice as he held onto the other half of glowing humerus. "...I hope this place still has a working shower..."

"Try the ladies room," offered Toramasa. "But don't use the yellow towel: that's for company."

The man nodded, wanting nothing more than to scrub his hand until it bled—as all parents felt like when their children had barfed on them.

That was until he found the spritzer in his hand. "Don't tell me; this is the shower..."

"Very well, I won;t" the old man replied, walking back to the woman currently holding the teenage girl with empty eyes to her chest, telling her how she would help her 'achieve her naughty desires with her manly son'.

He then turned towards the teen male who had threatened him and was currently searching for a mop bucket... or at least an empty can to put over the vomit.

Nuku-Nuku just sighed. True, there were many more mousies to eat, but now... some would not be digested. She felt like she had failed, all because of the glowing bone that snuck up behind the tasty mousie and into her mouth.

"Hiccup!"

Blinking, Nuku-Nuku looked around. "Papa-san, Nuku-Nuku thinks she is 'trippin' balls'," she replied, as everything took on a blue tinge.

The poor android catgirl blinked her eyes as she saw the outline a curvy bat-winged woman grinning and waving at her. "REALLY 'trippin' balls'..." she added.


End file.
